Archive for the ‘Creepsters’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’ –CVS, 42nd & 3rd Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire! –Brooklyn-bound Q train Overheard by: Incitatus Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries. –MacDougal Street Ale House Overheard by: Ladle Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire. –Columbus Ave Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?! –Water St dorm, NYU Overheard by: michael

SpongeBob and Patrick Often Squabble

Deep-voiced man: Hey, yo, SpongeBob…
Whiny-voiced woman across street: What?
Deep-voiced man: SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: What?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt?
Whiny-voiced woman: What you said?
Deep-voiced man: Why you got a square butt, SpongeBob?
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up!
Deep-voiced man: Haha. SpongeBob Squarepants…
Whiny-voiced woman: Shut up! [Continues for ten minutes.] –Myrtle & Carlton Overheard by: Myrtle Resident

We Checked, It’s Real. Ick.

Brunette using computer: Have you ever posed naked?
Blonde: Yeah, my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me on the net.
Brunette: Really? What’s the URL?
Blonde: Animal boinks dot com*.
Brunette, finding site: Now what?
Blonde: Click ‘Tami*.’
Brunette: Oh my god! Is that you?
Blonde: Yeah.
Brunette: You’re fucking a dog!
Blonde: My ex-boyfriend begged me for months to do that.
Brunette: I like man dick. I even like pussy… How could you fuck a dog, you sick bitch?
Blonde: Fuck you! At least I’m not a lesbian!
Brunette: At least I stick to my own species!
Blonde: Dyke!
Brunette: Sick bitch! You fuck pigs and horses, too?
Blonde: No, just dogs. It was my ex-boyfriend’s idea. And at least I’m not a lesbian.
Brunette: At least I’m not on the net with a pooch eating my cooch!
Chinese nerd-boy at next computer: This is the best conversation I ever heard in my life! –Internet café, Mott St, Chinatown Overheard by: Big Larry

It’s Scary When Dirtbags Are Planning This Far Ahead

Dirtbag #1: I got her number for you.
Dirtbag #2: I don’t want it. If you give it to me, I’m going to throw it out.
Dirtbag #1: She was banging, and she had a sister. Is she banging?
Dirtbag #2: She looked good. Taller. Younger.
Dirtbag #1: We gonna take them to the movies and then to the hotel.
Dirtbag #2: Yeah?
Dirtbag #1: We gonna pull the camcorder out on that. –Manhattan bound F train