Woman: Well, you can hire kidnappers, can’t you? –Union Square Overheard by: Kerri
Man whispering into cell phone: I heard that if you inject enough [mumblemumble]into his bloodstream, in a couple of hours, the coroner can’t tell the cause of death!
…Uh huh, uh huh
…I know, baby, I know.
…Yeah, I know. But baby, will you be my alibi? –F train Overheard by: catherinecanfly
Black guy: I just really don’t wanna go to prison in Africa.
White guy: Of course. And, if at any time you feel like that might be a possibility, the operation comes to a close. I value you and your sweet virgin ass and unslit throat over some cheap pot.
Black guy: That’s how I know you’re a real friend. –Parking lot, LaGuardia Overheard by: slightly confused
Woman: So they’re paying the kidnappers child support? I mean I know they want to support their child, but where is the money going? To those crazy people. –L train Overheard by: Kelly Marie
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight. –Barnard dorm Overheard by: babs standigio
Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork! –Metro-North, New Haven line
Big black man: It’s ok, I’m not a gangsta!
Nerdy white kid: Neither am I! –Times Square
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs? –Greenpoint Ave Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink? –Cook St & Bushwick Ave Overheard by: cameo Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious! –Rockafeller Plaza Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy! –Pillow Fight, Union Square Overheard by: Anna P. Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden! –37th St & 8th Ave 20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys! –Topshop
Chick #1: And there was my friend who was assaulted at Temple–did I tell you about that?
Chick #2, horrified: She was assaulted at *temple*?
Chick #1: Oh, Temple University.
Chick #2: Ohhh.
Chick #1: Uh, not that that makes it any less horrible. –187th & Broadway Overheard by: Rose Fox
Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy! –Grand Central Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant! –TGI Fridays Overheard by: Sara Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Hannah Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: jmike Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time! –96th St station Overheard by: Kind of Confused 20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy