Archive for the ‘Crime and Punishment’ Category

Better Spit Out That Gum Before Walking

Gum-chewing chick #1: He should get life for what he did.
Gum-chewing chick #2: Life? He should be executed!
Gum-chewing chick #1: That’s what I mean! He should get life!
Gum-chewing chick #2: That’s not what “getting life” means. “Getting life” means you go to prison for the rest of your life. Don’t you know anything?
Gum-chewing chick #1: Well, I don’t read the papers or watch the news… –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Wednesday One-Liners Actually Liked Police Academy IV

Macho guy: I just want to roundhouse a cop in the head. Then I’m gonna run my ass off. –Flushing Meadows Corona Park Overheard by: rob Perfume vendor: 5 dollars! 5 dollars! Get ‘em before the cops do! –33rd & Broadway Overheard by: rah Girl on cell: …and then the police came so we were wondering if it was gonna be like a bar mitzvah. –61st & Columbus Guy on cell: He drank half a bottle of Listerine?…Let me know when the police get there. –Central Park Overheard by: Diane Policeman, to erratic driver: You heard me, man, now pull over. What the hell? –St. Mark’s & 2nd Policewoman through loudspeaker, to erratic driver: Where did you get your license? Oh. My. God. –Leonard & Jackson, Brooklyn Overheard by: Chitin Running mom, to child: Hurry up! Run, run like the cops are chasing you! –110th & Amsterdam

The High Times Of Wednesday One-Liners

Mother to friend: If our kids would just smoke weed they'd be fine.

–Borough Hall, Brooklyn

Five-year-old child, walking past table of glass bongs and pipes: Daddy, I want one!

–Astor Place

Promoter for comedy club: Free bag of weed if you come to the 9:30 show!

–Times Square

Enthusiastic, loud girl on cell: Smoking pot? So you were smoking…you don't have to be so worried about people hearing what you're saying, nobody's even listening…seriously.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: And she had to end up being in my class..

30-something lady: When she was just selling pot to Kevin Nealon, I think that was better.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Brainy