Archive for the ‘Crying’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Sob Story

Cute girl on Penn station escalator: I dipped my dim sum in her tears!

–NJ Transit

Man in running gear on cell: I never get to, but I'm going to try again. I just hope I don't cry!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Daniel

Girl to friend: I cried so hard it went down and under my armpit.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: porter

Bartender: I'll bet he cries when he masturbates.

–MacDougal & W 3rd

Overheard by: Greg

Woman to friends: My vagina is leaking tears right now.

–5th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Zoe

Dad Did All the Crying

Nine-year-old girl #1: My mom says that she was in so much pain giving birth to me that they had to give her surgery. My head was too big.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Your head is not big!
Nine-year-old girl #1: Yeah, but when I was a baby it was huge.
Nine-year-old girl #2: Weird. Did you have some sort of disease?
Nine-year-old girl #1: No, but when I came out I wasn't crying, I was twirling my hair.

–Mannes College of Music

The Dishonorable Discharge Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: Okay, how do I put this delicately? (pause) Yeah, I don't think I can. Here's the difference between you and me: when I hear that a guy I like is riddled with STDs, I cut off all ties and stop thinking of him as a potential sexual conquest. (pause) Alright, dude, but don't come crying to me when you get your first outbreak.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: tatunit

20-something girl: I swear to god: if I get syphilis, I'm spreading it.

–Penn Station

Girl on cell phone: Yeah, and then the lady asked me to take off my pants because she wanted to do an examination. Well, I freaked because it's like a fucking jungle down there, and I wasn't expecting the exam. It was alright, though, the poster in front of me with disgusting images of vaginas with warts and cysts and stuff gave me comfort that the situation could be a lot more embarrassing.

–NYU Health Center

Girl on cell: I didn't say anything about your sister having herpes!

–Hunter College

Crazy health teacher: Now I am going to speak about sexually transmitted diseases. I know this is a subject which you enjoy. (students laugh) What? It is true. Everyone begins to grow excited when I speak of this subject.

–High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

God's Only-Begotten Son

Little boy: Dad, can I try to fix your watch?
Dad: Wait until we get home.
Little boy, crying: You don't trust me with anything!
Dad: No, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just that fixing a watch is very hard. Not even David Blaine can replace a tiny screw on a crowded stretch of Broadway.
Little boy: Who's David Blaine?

–Broadway & Prince

What Happens When You Use the TV As a Babysitter: A Simulation

Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?

–The Met

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

Mr. Trump Is Just Mean

Fat chick to friends: And then he said I reminded him of Rosie O'Donnell! (starts hysterically crying)
Friend #1: How? Like because you're funny?
Fat chick: No! Because I'm fat! (continues crying)
(man walking by bursts out laughing)
Friend #2
: It's not funny!

Man walking away: Yes it is!

–7th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Jesse H.