Shiksa: Is semen kosher for Passover?
Jewish girl: I think so. Sperm don't have hooves.
–23rd St & Lexington
Overheard by: Jason
Archive for the ‘Cum’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running
Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.
–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave
Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!
–Broadway & Eagerly
Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!
–3rd & Sullivan
Overheard by: Heather
Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!
Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?
–City Hall New York Sports Club
Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!
–Union Square
Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!
–23rd St
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.
–R Train
20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.
–Bond St
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
How to Get Banned from the Vatican, in One Easy Step.
College bro #1, walking quickly: And then we can cum on the floor!
College bro #2: Yeah, dude! Cum on the floor!
–University Place
Overheard by: Wondering Whose Floor
Is That Trademarked?
Girl, eating chocolate Cadbury Creme Egg: Oh my god, you have to try this.
Boyfriend: What's inside?
Girl: The cum of the gods.
–71st St & Columbus
Wednesday One-Liners 101
Psychology professor: So with the gustatory system the motor action is basically spit or swallow. That reminds me of… never mind.
–NYU
Professor: As rigid as it may sound, I would really prefer that you provide me with the literal translation of the Latin on all quizzes and exams, rather than rearranging the grammar to make it sound less awkward in English, so as to preserve the integrity of the Latin prose. Yeah, that's how I roll.
–Lincoln Center, Fordham University
Overheard by: Classics Student
Social psychology professor: The field of psychology doesn't run on… Dunkin'.
–New School University
English professor to class of freshwomen: When you get drunk, does your judgment suffer? (silent awkward pause) Well, you girls might be a little young for it, but I know my judgment suffers!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: High Aspirations
English professor: I know it sounds like an asshole thing to say, but that's what I'm here for guys. I'm here to be your asshole.
–English Seminar, Fordham
Being a Woman Means Constantly Dodging Boobytraps
Woman #1: And then bam, right in my eye.
Woman #2: Well at least you didn't get pregnant.
Woman #1: I'm already pregnant.
–Union Square
Wednesday One-Liners Graduate Magna Cum Laude
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
I Didn't Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered
Smoking man to another: I've heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: CS
Large black woman: An' I been tellin' him I got all these ideas for t-shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says "Congratulations, you're not the daddy!"
–BX12 Bus
Overheard by: shayshay
NYU boy on cell: Wait, you're pregnant? You're pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn't come in you, just on your face.
–Union Square
Woman to date: Let's go get pregnant!
–Santos Party House, Lafayette St
Overheard by: alisa