Girl on cell: You're like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you! –Washington Square Park Girl: I don't give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?! –Naked Lunch, Tribeca Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I'd come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I've got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom! –E Train Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It's worth having sex with just because of the foot… –The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day Girl on phone: I ain't denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I'll see you later tonight, then. –W 123rd & 8th Ave Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night. –Staten Island
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Harmony Davis Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna cum! I have to have this record! It's so good! It makes me orgasm! –W 72nd S, Record Store Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way… Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms. –West Village Overheard by: Andy & Nick Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock. –Astor Place Overheard by: sofia Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger! –Bar, Fulton St Overheard by: Izzy
Old lady to husband: I heard Britney wants to adopt some pets instead taking care of her children.
Husband: They should just leave her alone.
Old lady to husband: Now you are defending her?
Husband: Not only defending her, I would wipe-lick her butt and ass-rape her until she farts cum. –1 Train Overheard by: gio
Blonde girl, looking up at bridge: The Brooklyn Bridge can blow me.
Brown haired girl: Ugh! Word! –South Street Overheard by: how does that work?
Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next? –47th & Lex
Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair! –13th St Overheard by: questioning the physics Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock! –84th & Amsterdam Ave One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out. –Central Park Overheard by: Dan High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face. –72nd St & Broadway 20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule. –Ess-A-Bagel Overheard by: Emma NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?! –St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere! –Bobst Library Overheard by: ttny
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion. –Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg Overheard by: EA Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off. –West Village Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now. –83rd & Amsterdam Overheard by: Debbie Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again. –Clinton & Stanton Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them. –Bus to Penn Station Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you! –100th & Broadway Overheard by: briana Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass. –West Village Overheard by: RBNY
Man on cell, inaudible at first: … Whale sperm.
Business chick: Did you just say ‘whale sperm’?
Man, to chick: Yeah.
Business chick: Perfect!
Man, into cell: Great. I’ll be there in two minutes. –55 Water St Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Husband: What’s that white stuff on your pants?
Wife, with three-year-old kid: It’s cum.
Husband: What’s your fucking problem? –10th & 5th Overheard by: NYU Student
Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth. –Broadway & 14th St Overheard by: casey Headline by: Postteen Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem
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