Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair! –13th St Overheard by: questioning the physics Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock! –84th & Amsterdam Ave One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out. –Central Park Overheard by: Dan High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face. –72nd St & Broadway 20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule. –Ess-A-Bagel Overheard by: Emma NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?! –St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere! –Bobst Library Overheard by: ttny
Guy on cell: I eat ass like a champion. –Havemeyer & S 1st St, Williamsburg Overheard by: EA Scary old guy to pretty woman: Oooh, girl, you look so fine. Tell your husband I want to bite your kneecaps off. –West Village Lady on cell: Yeah, I’m really hungry, too. I could really eat some nice wallpaper right about now. –83rd & Amsterdam Overheard by: Debbie Woman: I’d rather eat homeless person’s cum than ever eat plain yogurt again. –Clinton & Stanton Creepy guy: Let me put it this way: I might not be compelled to eat a puppy, but I just might eat a baby. There’s just something unattractive about them. –Bus to Penn Station Mother to screaming child: If you don’t stop crying I am going to eat you! –100th & Broadway Overheard by: briana Bouncer to girl showing ID: You’re so beautiful. I wanna put you on a pedestal… and eat your ass. –West Village Overheard by: RBNY
Man on cell, inaudible at first: … Whale sperm.
Business chick: Did you just say ‘whale sperm’?
Man, to chick: Yeah.
Business chick: Perfect!
Man, into cell: Great. I’ll be there in two minutes. –55 Water St Overheard by: Billy Splatts!
Husband: What’s that white stuff on your pants?
Wife, with three-year-old kid: It’s cum.
Husband: What’s your fucking problem? –10th & 5th Overheard by: NYU Student
Teenage girl: Do you want to come?
Teenage boy: I want to come in your mouth. –Broadway & 14th St Overheard by: casey Headline by: Postteen Runners-Up:
· “A Young Christina Aguilera Gets Inspired” – PeterR
· “I’m Saving That Honour For Edward Cullen” – wirrrn
· “Just Let Me Take My Retainer Out This Time” – tatts
· “Oh, You Just Got Uninvited” – Stephanie Goe
· “Today’s ESL Class: Resolving Ambiguity With Prepositional Phrases” – Rionn Fears Malechem
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Hipster: I have to confess a deep dark secret to you.
Hipster: I know the taste of my own cum. –Union Square
Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before. –33rd & 7th Overheard by: Brian Flanagan
Guy #1, shocked, and loud: Wow, so it fills your whole body with sperm?!
Guy #2, pondering: You know, I’m not quite sure how it works. –Penn Station Overheard by: Pt Photo
Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it. –W 27th St Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning. –SoHo Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system. –2 Train Overheard by: Kosi Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes. –7th Ave Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy. –L Train Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere. –Kaleidoscope, E 10th St College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass. –Great Lawn, Central Park Overheard by: Liz
Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large. –Village ATM Overheard by: rafa Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her. –Wollman Rink, Central Park Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang? –Hard Rock Cafe Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me. –Grand Central Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy! –Union Square Subway Station Overheard by: Rachel K Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load. –Columbia University