Customer: French toast bagel.
Cashier: Cream cheese?
Customer: French toast bagel.
Cashier: French toast bagel, yes, but did you have cream cheese on it?!
–Au Bon Pain, 44th & Madison
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
No, We Only Have Pot
Man: Do you sell cannabis?
Florist: Cannabis?
Man: Yeah, it’s a plant.
–28th Street
Not As Much As You Hate Geography…
Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!
–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights
Tragically, the LP Died
Customer: Do you have a recording of Astrud Gilberto singing, “The Girl from Emphysema?” –Times Square
More Bookstore Fun
Woman: Excuse me, where are the literary journals?
B&N Guy: Them’s over there.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Technically That Means That We Suck
Art Dealer: Have you been following the election? Are you going to vote?
Man: They both suck.
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Ray Hannigan
We Don’t Serve That Here
Customer: A hot coffee, please.
Cashier: Huh?
–Starbucks, 28th & 3rd
Highest Maintenance
Anal Man: I want a grilled chicken wrap. But I don’t want cheese and I want a little bit of dressing on the bread as you’re making it. Some places don’t put dressing.
Cashier: We don’t put dressing here.
Anal Man: Just a bit of dressing. Not too much.
Cashier: Do you want the combo?
Anal Man: No!
–Ranch 1, Union Square
Just tell him “PLUCK U”! It’s the name of your fucking store!
Crazy customer: So you’re the manager?
Manager: That’s right.
Crazy customer: OK, then I needed to talk to you. Now, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble. But this order is for my boss and she’s a flat out bitch.
Manager: OK…
Crazy customer: The last time I was here, I ordered your boneless wings. And I got buffalo wings.
Manager: Wow, I’m sorry about that.
Crazy customer: Then I’ve got to go back to the office and hear about it. And your man there wasn’t being helpful at all.
Manager: Well, try to put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes things get really busy and you can get swamped being the only guy at the register, and maybe you’re not as polite as you should be.
Crazy customer: I worked at Wendy’s, McDonald’s AND Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Junction. I took a lot of crap from general managers.
Manager: Right.
Crazy customer: If someone wanted their sandwich upside down, that’s how I gave it to them. I got buffalo wings and then I’ve got to eat it. I don’t want them!
Manager: Well, here’s your order. Thanks for saying something.
Crazy customer: So this is ten boneless wings?
Manager: Yes.
Crazy customer: Thanks. I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. It’s just that I’m going to hear it from her if it’s wrong, and she’s a bitch. She just called me and she wanted me to get her to downtown Brooklyn in an hour. Excuse me? Do I have a rocketship?
Manager: Right, right.
Crazy customer: So these aren’t buffalo wings, right?
Manager: Ten boneless wings with bleu cheese.
–Pluck U., East Village
Warning: Cross-dressing has been found to cause cancer in laboratory animals
Customer: I’m looking for a book. The computer said it was in stock when I was here before but it wasn’t on the shelf. Can you check to see if it’s saying that it’s still in stock?
Clerk: Sure.
Customer: It’s called Drag Diaries.
Clerk: Yeah, it’s saying that there’s one in stock but we sold a copy in May. That might be the one we’re showing as still in stock.
Customer: Right.
Clerk: It would be in gay studies. You can check again.
Customer: Then do you have anything on crystal healing?
–The Strand