Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

It’s a Trap! Buy the Schopenhauer!

Guy: Hey, I’m lookin’ for a book.
Lady behind the counter: Um, okay. Did you have any particular one in mind?
Guy, laughing: No. Hell no. I don’t fuckin’ read. I’m just lookin’ for something I can take over to Central Park so I can get hit on by chicks who think I’m smart and shit.
Lady behind counter: Try Nietzsche. –Barnes & Noble, Broadway between 82nd & 83rd

Highest Maintenance

Anal Man: I want a grilled chicken wrap. But I don’t want cheese and I want a little bit of dressing on the bread as you’re making it. Some places don’t put dressing.
Cashier: We don’t put dressing here.
Anal Man: Just a bit of dressing. Not too much.
Cashier: Do you want the combo?
Anal Man: No! –Ranch 1, Union Square

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too? –Starbucks, Staten Island Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia

With New Stereotypes Arriving Daily, It’s Hard to Keep Up

Black bagger: I got to get me a soos. Man, I need a soos. Honey, you know where I could get me one?
Black woman paying for groceries: No.
Black bagger: Oh, hey I bet this guy knows. Hey guy! You! Do you know where I could find me a massage therapist?
White guy in line: I have no idea.
Black bagger: Oh, damn; I thought you’d know. –Supermarket, Nostrand Ave, Stuyvesant Town Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Nouveau Riche

Female shopper to Bloomingdale's cologne sprayer: Don't you dare spray your $30 over my $150. –Perfume Aisle, Bloomingdale's Old lady on cell: I mean, it's just five million… –Madison & 77th St Very rich mom to new nanny, about baby in stroller: Okay, well, she loves sushi, and… –Upper East Side Rich teen: I asked my mom to go to Louis Vuitton with me this weekend and she was like, "we're in a recession, let's go to Dolce." –42nd St Overheard by: I want a m6 Label-whore eating grapes and cheese, to friend: Oh my god, I feel so rich when I eat this stuff… Oh, wait, I am. –Paul's Cafe