Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

Because Postal Workers Are Legendary for Having Such Great Senses Of Humor

Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please.

–Post Office, Brooklyn Heights

Yes, We Sell Parrots

Customer: So what do I feed it?
Manager: Give it crickets, 2 or 3 times a week.
Employee: You’ve got to feed it crickets 2 or 3 times a week.
Manager: Otherwise it takes greens and fruit.
Employee: Or greens and fruit.
Customer: What kind of greens?
Manager: Lettuce.
Customer: Regular lettuce or romaine?
Manager: Romaine.
Employee: It needs romaine.
Manager: Kale, chard.
Employee: Kale, chard.
Manager: Anything leafy and green it’ll eat.
Employee: Anything leafy and green.
Customer: So it’s OK if I leave it for a weekend or a week?
Manager: Yeah, just throw some lettuce in there with it before you go.
Employee: You got that? –Petland Discounts, Bensonhurst

Not Too Hot, Though

Customer, impatiently: Give me an iced coffee. And make it with steamed milk.
Shop assistant: Iced coffee? With steamed milk?
Customer: What, you can’t do that? Okay, okay — make it a regular coffee with steamed milk, then.

–Coffee shop, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Nic Oatridge

Worst. Timecop Sequel. Ever.

Customer: My MetroCard isn't working.
Booth agent: Is it expired?
Customer: No, it's good until the end of the year.
Booth agent, looking at card: You're right, let me check it. (swipes card) Oh, you can't use it today because you already used it tomorrow.
Customer, looking confused: Oh-kaaay…
Booth agent: I will buzz you through today, but see your office administrator about this.

–86th & Lexington

We Don’t Serve That Here, Redux

Customer: I would like a coffee, a white coffee.
Barista: Excuse me, sir? You’d like…white chocolate in your coffee? We don’t do that.
Customer: Mo, I mean…like a black coffee, but with milk…a white coffee?
Barista: Where are you from, sir?
Customer: Near London, in England.
Barista: That’s the fourth one today, you English are crazy! –Starbucks, Times Square Overheard by: Adrian