Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

I’ve Tried the Police, but We Keep Getting Disconnected

Diva customer: How do I find out who was answering the phone this morning?!
Salesgirl: Um… It could have been anybody, I’m not sure…
Diva customer: Pshhh.
Salesgirl: I’m sorry. Why did you want to know?
Diva customer: Because this girl I talked to told me that you all had the Erin Skinny Destroyed jeans in the light color, and now y’all don’t have them, and I wanna report her!
Salesgirl: Um… Sorry. –Abercrombie & Fitch, 5th Ave

She Reminds Me So Much of Her Mother

Cash register guy: Yo man, how you doing? I saw your daughter walk past here yesterday. She was with some new dude.
Bagel customer: Really?
Cash register guy: Yeah, I never saw her with this guy before.
Bagel customer: Yeah, I don’t really keep track of her.
Cash register guy: Yeah man, she’s always with a different guy. I never see her with the same guy twice. You know, one day I saw her two times in an afternoon, and she was hangin’ all over a different guy each time. Two in the same day, you know?
Bagel customer: I don’t control what she does. –87th & 1st Overheard by: K. Fung

Because Postal Workers Are Legendary for Having Such Great Senses Of Humor

Post office dude: Where is this going to?
Chick: Germany.
Post office dude: Is there anything hazardous to your health in there?
Chick: Uh no, just magazines. And well, some of my hair that's stuck to that tape on the package as well.
Post office dude: Oh, I don't know what customs has to say about that. They will have to deal with that. But wait, I will check.
Chick: That was a joke! I'm not sending hair!
Post office dude: What, but you just said…
Chick: Wow. It was a lame joke! You can literally see half of my scalp under that tape. I tried to cut it with my teeth and and some of my hair got stuck under it… Nevermind!
Post office dude: Ugh. $16.56, please. –Post Office, Brooklyn Heights

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go. –2nd St & Ave B Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down? –Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall Overheard by: Linda Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets! –Starbucks, La Guardia airport Overheard by: Allears Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C! –Victoria’s Secret, 57th St Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy? –Greene St & Prince St Overheard by: deadzebra Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties! –PATH train Overheard by: blkgirl Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad? –Broadway & Prince St Overheard by: djingo