Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

Oh, You Wanna Feel?

Female cashier about to ring up sandwich order: What do you have?
20-something guy: Subway club.
Female cashier, not looking at sandwich: What size?
20-something guy: Mine's 12 inches.
Girl behind in line, to friend: Yeah, I bet.

–Subway Restaurant

Overheard by: Nancy

Parfait.

Man with cowboy hat: I think I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman behind counter: Parfait?
Man with cowboy hat: Huh? Um, no. I'm gonna do the biscuit.
Chinese woman: Parfait.
Man with cowboy hat: No, thank you. (walks away)

–Deli, 53rd St

Overheard by: AdHoculi

A Bulgarian Wax Will Pull Your Balkans Off

Heavily accented barista: Vat can I get forrr you?
Customer: I'll have a tall, iced, nonfat latte…I like your accent. Are you from Brazil?
Heavily accented barista: No, I'm from Bulgaria.
Customer: Oh. Is that near Brazil?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: *smacks forehead with hand*

…By Glazing Over the Truth.

Old lady covered in baby powder: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I'll just give you a selection of six. (starts putting random donuts in bag)
Old lady covered in baby powder: Six donuts, don't trick me.

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

You Mean Gay Mafia Tight?

Dude to waiter: Yeah, I'll have the scrambled eggs. Scramble 'em soft so they're a little runny, with extra crispy bacon–almost burnt–wheat bread just a little toasted. Yeah, very light. And a cut of Gruyere cheese and grapes on the side. Yo, you still got those crumpets? Those flaky crumpets? Cool, I'll have 'em with peppermint tea with a wedge of lemon and cane sugar. Alright? Thanks.
Girlfriend, eying him warily: Babe, your brunch game is tight. Like, suspiciously tight…

–The Farm on Adderley, Brooklyn

Tonight's Movie: The Pursuit Of Happymeal

McDonald's cashier: Next!
Teenage girl: Yeah, I'd like a chicken nugget Happy Meal, girl toy, but can you put it in a normal bag?
McDonald's cashier: A bag?
Teenage girl: Yeah, instead of the Happy Meal box.
McDonald's cashier, perplexed: But it's a Happy Meal…
Teenage girl: This isn't a difficult concept. A Happy Meal. Chicken nuggets. Girl toy. In the bag the other food comes in.
McDonald's cashier, perplexed: But it's a Happy Meal. They come in a box.
Teenage girl: Okay, can you give me an extra bag, then?
McDonald's cashier, perplexed: Okay!

–McDonald's

What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town

Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.

–Bagel Deli

Overheard by: Amanda

Wednesday One-Liners for Kendra

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?

–Starbucks, Staten Island

Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia