Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go. –2nd St & Ave B Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down? –Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall Overheard by: Linda Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets! –Starbucks, La Guardia airport Overheard by: Allears Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C! –Victoria’s Secret, 57th St Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy? –Greene St & Prince St Overheard by: deadzebra Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties! –PATH train Overheard by: blkgirl Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad? –Broadway & Prince St Overheard by: djingo
Customer: Can I pay by debit?
Checkout Hippie: Yes. [laughter]
Customer: Why are you laughing?
Checkout Hippie: Because I thought what you said was funny.
Customer: OK… –Organic Market, East Village
Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something? –Whole Foods, Houston St
Customer: I’d like a bagel with Honey Walnut cream cheese.
Cashier: No Honey Walnut. Strawberry.
Customer: Is there anything besides Strawberry that’s sweet?
Cashier: We have Vegetable. But that’s not sweet. –Dunkin’ Donuts, Bensonhurst
Middle-Aged man: I hope we don’t get caught.
Prostitute: Don’t worry, I never have. –81st & Amsterdam
Headline by: Sean
· “…Not Once in My Ten Years on the Force.” – Ingwall
· “Any Extra Charge For the Lip Service?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “He Was Looking For, ”Cause Then We’d Have to Be Punished…'” – alex
· “I’ve Got My Lucky Condom” – Sheri
· “Is Hugh Grant Considered ‘Middle-Aged’?” – Matthew McGuirl
· “My Parents Will Be Home in an Hour” – Lois
· “Skip the Condom. She’s Been Tested, Too” – Andy Adelewitz
· “Take Your Father to Work Day” – Sean Mc Grath
· “Charge Me If You Can” – petch
· “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em (in Public)” – Heather
· “They Were Talking About Their Braces.” – Allison
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Black girl: Did you put butter on that bagel?…That’s too damn fast to be any good. Hey, hey, don’t use that knife, it has egg on it and I do not eat eggs!
Deli guy: This is not eggs. This is cheese.
Black girl: And so what is your point? –LA cafe, 23rd & 5th
Middle Eastern man to register girl at sex shop: You have most beautiful eyes in Manhattan.
Register girl: Um, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: You look like European girl.
Register girl: I get that a lot.
Middle Eastern man: Let's go out for drink tonight.
Register girl: No.
Middle Eastern man: Okay, thank you! –Sex Shop, 5th Ave Overheard by: Nanda
CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies. –Hallway, CCNY Overheard by: ladyliver Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on. –1250 Broadway Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed… –Smoke Shop, Park Slope Overheard by: Kiri Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy. –Good Stuff Diner, 14th St Overheard by: Kosi Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn. –Port Authority Overheard by: Sarah History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental. –Bronx High School of Science Overheard by: Lillian
Customer: I love your fries, I'm so addicted.
Cashier: Have you tried anything else on our menu?
Customer: Actually, I'm allergic to chickpeas, so, no.
Cashier: Oh, man, that sucks. Our falafel is so good!
Cashier: Well, hey, at least you're not allergic to wheat.
Cashier: Damn! How do you live like that? –Taim , West Village
Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground) –Nostrand Ave & St Mark's Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn