Middle Eastern man to register girl at sex shop: You have most beautiful eyes in Manhattan.
Register girl: Um, thanks.
Middle Eastern man: You look like European girl.
Register girl: I get that a lot.
Middle Eastern man: Let's go out for drink tonight.
Register girl: No.
Middle Eastern man: Okay, thank you!
–Sex Shop, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Nanda
Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category
Otherwise the Human Race Would Soon Die Out
Employee #1, to customers with a baby: That is the cutest baby I have ever seen!
Employee #2: I think my boyfriend and I would have an ugly baby.
Employee #1, in front of couple: No. Ugly people usually have the cutest babies!
–Subway
Overheard by: Drew
If Property Is Theft, Is Theft Property? Discuss.
Bargain basement shopper: It said “Dark Knight” on the cover.
Perplexed friend: So you bought it?
Bargain basement shopper: Hell yeah. You can't beat crackhead prices.
–F Train
Overheard by: KP Whitey
Let's Duke It Out, Freshwater Trout!
White guy exiting bodega: Yo! As-salam alaykum!
Middle Eastern guy behind counter: Hey! Kick his ass, sea-bass!
–Astoria
Overheard by: ChrisW
How Is Ordering at Starbucks Like Finishing the Special Forces Obstacle Course, Alex?
Customer: I'd like a venti passion tea lemonade please.
Barista: Sorry, we're out of venti cups.
Customer: Okay, can you just put it in two tall cups then?
Barista: Sure, no problem.
Barista, after ringing up customer: That's $5.98.
Customer: Um, a venti lemonade is $3.55.
Barista: Yes, but you ordered two tall lemonades.
–Starbucks, Queens
Park Avenue Being the Land Of the Midnight Sun
Barista to client: Today is the first day of summer, so it's the longest day of the year!
Client: Oh, yeah, how long is it exactly?
Cashier: I dunno, like 27 hours or something.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Brie
…But You Spelled It Wrong on Your ID.
Cashier to girl showing her ID: No, we don't take this kind.
Manager to cashier: That's Tennessee–it's a state here.
–10th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Jeremy
Dear Uncle Sam– Have You Thought About Creating Food Stamps Specifically for Drugs?
Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)
–Nostrand Ave & St Mark's
Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn
…Or, Like, a Sex Thing?
Customer: Do you accept AmEx?
Cashier: Is that a credit card?
–Century 21
Brilliant!
Customer #1: You've never seen Death Wish?
Customer #2: Nope.
Customer #1, enthusiastically: He wishes for death! (pause) On others!
–Store, Union Square
Overheard by: Greg Luther