Young Son: Is there a Mars eclipse, too?
Father: There’s no Mars eclipse, there’s Marzipan, but no Mars eclipse.
–Watching the eclipse, West Village
Archive for the ‘Dads’ Category
Ask a New Yorker to Explain This One
Boy, 7: Daddy, I wanna see the Empire State Building.
Father: Sorry, son. That’s way uptown and we’re headed downtown.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: Christopher Mignemi
Remember to Invite Ivan and Che
Father: Having you and your mother in the same room is like having the Communist party. –Murray Hill
Looks Like It’s Kerry!
Statler: My kid just told me he’s making the ultimate sacrifice.
Waldorf: Really?
Statler: He told me that it’d be okay for the Red Sox to beat the Yankees, as long as George Bush loses the election.
Waldorf: My god.
–14th Street YMCA
Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey
Paging Dr. Spock
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: You’ve got to let them warm up and thaw.
Crying Little Girl: They’re really cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: They’ll be warm in a minute.
Crying Little Girl: My feet are cold!
The Baby’s Daddy: Shut up! Shut up! Stop crying! Do you want me to kick your ass in front of everybody on the train? Your feet are gonna be cold but your ass is gonna be hot!
–W Train
Is This Another Penis Thing, Dad?
Father: And on the way home, I spent $20 on produce.
20-something daughter: On a what?
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: amd
He Also Astutely Made This Observation About Penn Station.
Four-year-old: Dad, look, it's part of the Empire State Building!
Dad: Oh yeah?
Four-year-old: Yes. Over there, see? (points to a building in downtown Brooklyn)
Dad: Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
(moments later)
Four-year-old: Look! I can see the cranes!
Dad, pointing down at construction site: Yeah, and look at all that junk.
Four-year-old: What junk? Oh yeah. That's a junkyard!
Dad: It looks like one, doesn't it?
Four-year-old Yeah, it looks like one. And it is one.
–F Train
Overheard by: Tricia
Wednesdanimal One-Liners
Man to friend: I don't know what made him think he could outrun an alligator!
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: Lory
Father to young son: Holy shit, Joey, look at the turtles! They're stackin' and rackin' 'em!
–Central Park Zoo
Mom to kid, pointing to seal exhibit: Look! Otters!
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Rebecca
Young man, joyfully throwing his arms in the air: Then all of the lemmings go off of the cliff!
–The Village
Overheard by: Aaron
One That Costs a Lot Of Money and Never Sails
Toddler, pointing: Boat!
Dad: That's not a boat. That's a church.
Toddler: Boat! Boat!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Not Noah