Four-year-old boy: Daddy, why is there no express service today?
Father: Because the government invests all their money in war and killing people and doesn't wanna invest in public transportation!
Four-year-old boy: Oh. That's so unfair!
–6 Train
Archive for the ‘Dads’ Category
A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.
Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: geedee
Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.
–23rd St
Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.
–4th Ave & 86th St
Overheard by: bay ridge bitch
Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Wallflower
Before She Starts Stripping Again.
Five-year-old girl: My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother: Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl: Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father: Make her stop.
–Park Avenue & 25th St
Before She Starts Stripping Again.
Five-year-old girl: My favorite part of the movie was the naked man!
Mother: Mine too, mama.
Five-year-old girl: Naked maaaaaaaan!
Father: Make her stop.
–Park Avenue & 25th St
That's What You Said at the Neanderthal Exhibit!
Little Asian boy, reading sign: “Asian mammals”
Asian boy's father: That's you, Audrey!
–American Museum of Natural History
Panda: “I Feel Somehow…Unfulfilled.”
Very little girl: Okay, this is not going to be minutes, this is not going to be seconds: where is the panda?
Dad, looking around outdoor enclosure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very little girl, peering through fence: I can't see it!
Dad, lifting her just above fence: How's that?
Very little girl: Okay! Let's go!
–Red Panda Habitat, Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
What's Vin Diesel's Excuse?
Dad: It stars Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: More like Win Diesel!
Dad: Winn Dixie?
Teen daughter: Because of Vin Dixie?
Dad: Because of Vin Diesel.
Teen daughter: I think you broke my brain, dad.
–Grand Central
Dude, He's Twelve!
Young son: Daddy, look! It's a doggy!
Preppy father: Yeah, it's a dog, son. Give it a break.
Bystander: Father of the year!
–Union Square
Overheard by: likes dogs
…Or Your New Will
Father: You know I like ketchup on my hot dog.
Daughter: I do.
Father: Then why didn't you get me ketchup on my hot dog?
Daughter: Because I don't care for you.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Jess
Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners
Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!
–Holiday Market, Union Square
Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!
–Gristedes, University Place
Overheard by: M
Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!
–Chavela's, Prospect Heights
Overheard by: zack g.
Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.
–1st Ave & 5th St
Overheard by: Asaywhat