Archive for the ‘Dads’ Category

Panda: “I Feel Somehow…Unfulfilled.”

Very little girl: Okay, this is not going to be minutes, this is not going to be seconds: where is the panda?
Dad, looking around outdoor enclosure: Um… Oh! There it is!
Very little girl, peering through fence: I can't see it!
Dad, lifting her just above fence: How's that?
Very little girl: Okay! Let's go!

–Red Panda Habitat, Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Wednesday Double-Entendre Liners

Middle-aged woman to another: Oh! Look at those nuts, Theresa!

–Holiday Market, Union Square

Four-year-old girl, holding giant lollipop: Daddy, look! It's so big I can't get my mouth around it!

–Gristedes, University Place

Overheard by: M

Girl to friend bending down to pick something up: You are now the official bender in this relationship.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Woman reading menu outside: I love fish tacos!

–Chavela's, Prospect Heights

Overheard by: zack g.

Girl on cell: Well, my mouth is really small, you know? So I needed something really wide to hold it open.

–1st Ave & 5th St

Overheard by: Asaywhat

…We Can at Least Make This an Educational Experience.

Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.

–Hampton Jitney, Queens

Overheard by: sarah

Wedneslutsday One-Liners

30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: maria

Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.

–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th

Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?

–Pearl St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe

Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?

–Washington Square Park

High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!

–61st St & Amsterdam Ave