Archive for the ‘Dancing’ Category

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots

Wednesday Conga Liners

Man on cell: Yeah, so do you know that show Dancing with the Stars? They got the idea for it from the camera in my shower.

–6th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Alicia

Aging badass to lady friend: Yeah, I totally got escorted out of a Tom Petty concert for dancing in the aisles.

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Original Badass

Black guy: Hey everybody! Stop what you're doing! There's two black guys about to dance on this train! That's something you don't see often!

–A Train

Flamboyant gay man to friend: You can't sashay in there. There's no room to sashay at all.

–Outside LGBT Community Center, during Fur Ball

Overheard by: pandarants

Drunk Asian girl: It's always time to dance in North Korea.

–2nd St & Ave B

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.

–NYU

Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Um, Shouldn’t We Find Some Girls to Talk To?

Hipster #1 with thick-framed glasses: Yeah, he could do the robot [does crappy robot dance].
Hipster #2: You are so lame.
Hipster #1: No, it’s funny.
Hipster #2: It’s not realistic.
Hipster #1: It’s supposed to be how a robot would dance. What’s not realistic about it?
Hipster #2: Yeah, so a robot programmed well enough to have a dance function would do what you just did…
Hipster #1: Probably.
Hipster #2: If they were to program a robot human enough to have a dance function it would have to be incredibly advanced and I don’t think an incredibly advanced life-like robot would be programed with such stiff moves. They would almost certainly give him at least slightly groovier moves.
Hipster #1: I think you’re thinking of a super advanced robot. I mean, we’re just talking about, like, a robot that appears in the next decade.

–Hipster dance bar

Overheard by: Brian D. Adams

But He's a “Maybe” for “Monday Night Sex N' Scrabble”

Girl: So, my dad friended me on Facebook the other day, and I was like “shiiit! Limit profile view!”
Guy #1: Are there that many incriminating things on your profile?
Girl: Not really.
Guy #2: So dad's not going to be attending Diane's “get drunk and dance” party?

–Downtown 1 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Live Life on the Edge

Chick on cell: Yeah, but the possibility of being hit by the log is too great… And I don’t know if I want to take that risk.

–Train to Glen Rock

Young suit: I always have problems with zippers. Once, I was putting on my pants and my leg went through the zipper instead of the leg hole. It made a ‘rip’ noise, and then it broke.

–West End Ave

Traffic cop waving cars through pedestrian-flooded intersection: C’mon, c’mon! If they get hit, they get hit.

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Jobee, a pedestrian

Teen boy: Those signs are idiotic. If the kid runs out in front of your car, you’re going to hit him whether he’s deaf or not!

–Bedford Park, Bronx

Overheard by: Cousin It

Go-go dancer boy: I’m totally the only one who hasn’t fallen off the bar yet.

–Pier 45, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Palest Girl on the Lawn