Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me! –La Lanterna
Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me? –Brighton Beach
Gentile Yuppie: When I was in the synagogue, all of these girls kept on coming up to me and trying to pick me up–but they were all Jewish!
A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!’” – Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Two men walking arm-in-arm down 8th Ave. in Chelsea: “Wait, I don’t get it. You mean you want to date, like, girls?”
Woman: Two retarded people would find each other. Still, they’ll make a good couple. –Burger King, Bensonhurst
Young Asian woman at a party on the Lower East Side: “…and it turns out that Chris Isaak asked me out only because he has an Asian fetish, and he’s apparently dated every Asian girl in San Francisco, I was creeped out…”
Yuppie #1: Have you heard from Barbara recently?
Yuppie #2: No, she’s now dating this guy so she’s vanished. –Williamsburg
Woman: If I don’t find a guy I want to date within the next year, then I’m going back to school. –B3 Restaurant, Avenue B Overheard by: Laura Walker
Guy #1: Do you think you could ever date her?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I can’t picture myself having sex with her. –Tower Records, 66th & Broadway Overheard by: Josh Caldwell