Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Tomorrow: Cut or Uncut?

Teen Latina cashier: Jason asked me out.
Tween Latina bagger: Which Jason?
Teen Latina cashier: Jason. Honda.
Tween Latina bagger: H’mmm?
Teen Latina cashier: Blue Honda hatch…Blue Honda hatch, dual pipe. Tinted rear. Spinners.
Tween Latina bagger: Oh, yeah. –Foodtown, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Capn Midnite

Wednesday Out-Liners

Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.

–Bedford & S 3rd

Overheard by: Rocky

Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?

–Broadway

Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.

–Q Train

Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!

–Ave C & 7th St

Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.

–Rockefeller Center

30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Tom Guest

Despite Her Mother’s Hints and Suggestions, Lisa Went to Oberlin and Never Returned

Teen girl: I’ve never figured out all those different deodorant smells. Why do you need deodorant with different smells?
Mother: Well, maybe someday you’ll have a boyfriend you’ll want to impress.
Teen girl: By having fruity armpits?
Mother: You never know, he might want to smell them.

–Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners Rob the Cradle

Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??

–Simon Baruch Middle School

Overheard by: the art major

Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.

–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Maianess

20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup

Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.

–Grand Central Station

Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: inching away

Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!

–Wagner College

Overheard by: good to know

Wednesday One-Liner Often Wonder How It Started To Be Spelled That Way

Girl: …well it stopped working 'cause it got cum in it.

–W 27th St

Chick: I'm starving. The only protein I've had all day is an accidental cum shot to the face earlier this morning.

–SoHo

Guy to friends: If y'all was to really write it down and make a… a food chain of all of who used to date who, and who's dating who now, I bet you y'all got all the same juices running up in y'all system.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Kosi

Passing guy on cell: All I'm saying is everyone should have control over where their sperm goes.

–7th Ave

Hoochie on cell : Because I manage to get very juicy.

–L Train

Drunk girl at restaurant holding a champagne bottle: Excuse me, sir, can you open this for me? I'm afraid it's going to cum everywhere.

–Kaleidoscope, E 10th St

College dude: I bet there's semen somewhere on this grass.

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Liz

International Wednesday One-Liners Of Mystery

Lady: So I do everything my friends do. She starting dating a Turkish guy, so so did I.

–Hookah Bar, Ave B & 6th St

Overheard by: HookahFanatic

Teenage girl to another: His name was "ingles," but he didn't know a single word of ingles. That's ironical.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Karishma Gurtu

Father to two young sons: There were 1.5 million Manhattan Indians, so only the Dutch could tell you what happened to them.

–Outside the Federal Reserve

20-something girl to friend: I think I must be French. It takes me like, five hours to finish a sandwich.

–Broadway & 39th St

Woman: At least the earrings weren't as expensive as a Chinese daughter.

–116th St & 8th

Overheard by: Matt & Stacy