Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Well, Exactly!

Woman: So, what did he look like?
Man: Like… a Portuguese chipmunk.
Woman: What the hell does that look like?
Man: Picture a Portuguese man and a chipmunk and combine them. That’s what he looked like.
Woman, after thinking: Oh! Okay. That’s really weird that the he would want Anne* — she’s so tall. –Grand Central

Whatever Happened to Coat Hangers?

Logic-major girl #1: You’re totally into rich men. Like, I can see you dating a multi-million-dollar dork like Bill Gates.
Logic-major girl #2: I’m not attracted to money. I just like middle-aged men in suits, and you have to be rich to wear a suit. Also, I want someone who can pay for my abortion, because Lord knows I can’t afford it. –Greenwich Village Overheard by: I’m not pregnant

Wednesday One-Liners Are Shameless Pecker Checkers

Suit on cell: I said to him, "If I had my dick out on the bar, you think she wouldn't look at it?" and he kept telling me I owed her an apology, so I said, "Sweetheart, sorry I looked at your pussy." Listen, I gotta get off the train now. I'll call you back. –LIRR Overheard by: Pasty Guy standing at lowered urinal to guy standing at regular height urinal: The low urinal is for the guys with big dicks, so they don't bottom out. –Roc Restaurant Guy to group of friends (boisterously): I only date chicks with small hands…makes my dick look huge! –St. Andrews Bar Overheard by: allimax Woman (screaming into phone): Suck my dick, bitch! –Near Manhattan Mall Guy shouting into cell: We got a cab. And you can eat a dick. –Hanover & Water Overheard by: Kaitlen Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed because some dick is holding the door. We will be moving when the dick takes his arm out the door. –4 Train Overheard by: jessie

Acute Case of Wednesday One-Liners

Female coworker to another: You look so cute! I didn’t recognize you! –Hudson & Vandam Buff man carrying small, pink, frilly umbrella: I better not hear anyone call me cute. –Canal & Mulberry Overheard by: Courtney Messer Chick on cell: Mom, cute is a puppy dog. Cute is an Anne Geddes photo. Cute is not a 25-year-old guy fluent in sarcasm. Stop trying to set me up with him. –Hudson St Woman looking at Salvador Dali painting: That is so cute! –Guggenheim Museum Overheard by: Does she kill puppies for fun?