Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Better Get Allen Ludden to Settle This

Girl #1: …I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn’t date him than the fact that we’re semi-related.
Girl #2: …Um, I don’t think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it’s not. the key word here is “semi”.
Girl #2: No! The key word here is “related“! –Hoyt-Schermerhorn station

Nah, I'm Too Depressed to Hypothesize

Dominican guy: I really like your haircut.
Brooklyn guy: Yeah, the women at work really liked it, but I never take anything they say seriously because I know how ugly I am.
Dominican guy: Yeah, I know what you mean. You know like when women say “I want to be with you,” but they really don't do that…
Brooklyn guy: Okay, this is the only thing that is going to be true of what I say from now on. Every girl I asked out has said yes, but didn't mean it.
Dominican guy: Is this a hypothetical situation?

–Harlem

The Gospel According to Johanna

Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?

–47th & Lex

All Women Date in Color: Green

Teen girl #1: I totally don’t dream in color.
Teen girl #2: No, but you date in it. –Barnes & Noble, Staten Island Overheard by: Lola Black Chick #1: I want to see a play about interracial relationships. I want to have an interracial relationship.
Chick #2: I’m interracial; I have an interracial relationship with myself.
Chick #3: That’s why you’re so confused.
Chick #1: That’s why you’re so pretty. –The Public Theater, Lafayette Street

The Woes of a Marcy Playground Groupie

Girl #1: I just don’t think I’m his type. He’s very intellectual.
Girl #2: What do you mean?
Girl #1: He’s all “yada yada yada” and I’m very “What’s your favorite Starburst?” –Cosi, 31st & Park Overheard by: Clara Girl #1: Ha, ha, you said first was the worst.
Girl #2: No, I said, “first was the burst.”
Girl #1: What the heck does that mean?
Girl #2: It means…Starburst. –M104 bus Overheard by: Fatty McFingers