Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

Jason Concluded That Very Little of This Was About Him

Sobbing woman: I can’t believe he never called me back! And to think I gave him a chance!
Short friend: I bet he’s just sidetracked, give him some time!
Tall friend: Or maybe he’s with another woman!
Short friend: Oh, don’t think that! You beautiful, and smart, and… (cellphone rings)
Sobbing woman: (looks at phone) Who the fuck is Jason? (answers phone) Hello? Oh, hi Jason, this is Melinda*, remember? I went on a date with you last week! I’d just like to say, thanks for fucking my friend!

–49th & Lexington

Maybe ThugLover12 Isn’t the Best Alias for You

Queer #1: So when he showed up I was surprised because he was kinda gangsta.
Queer #2: Ok, so what’s wrong with that?
Queer #1: Well, I guess I should have expected it because his profile said he was from the Bronx… but I mean you can still be from the Bronx and be Americanized. –Union Square East

Tomorrow: Cut or Uncut?

Teen Latina cashier: Jason asked me out.
Tween Latina bagger: Which Jason?
Teen Latina cashier: Jason. Honda.
Tween Latina bagger: H’mmm?
Teen Latina cashier: Blue Honda hatch…Blue Honda hatch, dual pipe. Tinted rear. Spinners.
Tween Latina bagger: Oh, yeah. –Foodtown, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Capn Midnite

Wednesday Out-Liners

Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.

–Bedford & S 3rd

Overheard by: Rocky

Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?

–Broadway

Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.

–Q Train

Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!

–Ave C & 7th St

Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.

–Rockefeller Center

30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Tom Guest

Despite Her Mother’s Hints and Suggestions, Lisa Went to Oberlin and Never Returned

Teen girl: I’ve never figured out all those different deodorant smells. Why do you need deodorant with different smells?
Mother: Well, maybe someday you’ll have a boyfriend you’ll want to impress.
Teen girl: By having fruity armpits?
Mother: You never know, he might want to smell them.

–Union Square