Drunk: Where’s my boy, man? –Odessa, Ave. A
Archive for the ‘Death’ Category
More Deli Fun
Deli guy: Yo Susan, how’s life treating you?
Customer: Bad. I need an new life.
Deli guy: Your life’s almost over and you need a new one?
–Bensonhurst
Homeless Monologues II
Where: Bedford Ave., Yuppietown Hobo: …and the rest of you will be buried in cement!
“Really? I’ll go get my shovel!”
Girl #1: I love Kurt Cobain. I so would have had sex with him.
Girl #2: That’s like #60 in a long line of dead celebrities you would have had sex with. You’re such a slut!
Girl #1: No, see, you can have sex with as many dead celebrities as you want and not be a whore. It’s the rules.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
You’ll Never Get to Do It if You Warn Her!
Guy on cell: I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to hurt. You know that, right?…I’m not talking shit! –Duane Reade, 44th & 5th
How Profound…ly Stupid
Idiot, 50s: That’s the one argument against capital punishment that cannot be refuted. If you do it, someone is dead. –Westway Diner, 9th Ave
What Defines The NYC Scent?
Dude #1: That party was fun. It was hot, though.
Dude #2: Yeah, it smelled like hot ass in there.
–Loews Hotel, Lexington & 51st
Guy: Yo, she smelled like dead hell!
–Flatbush
They Pay Their Rent with the Gold Fillings
Puerto Rican Girl #1: So I saw Jose at his job? And it was kinda cool? Because I’m not afraid of gross and freaky shit.
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Uh huh.
Puerto Rican Girl #1: And you know, they make good money. You just gotta go to school for a couple years or somethin’. And not be afraid of gross and freaky shit. You gotta study–what is it called?
Puerto Rican Girl #2: Morturary science?
–A train
Wednesday One-liners
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing! –Fordham A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are. –Varick Street Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
New York is not America
Guy on cell: Yeah, our lives suck but at least John Kerry was elected President. Oh, wait! I have to hang up now and go kill myself. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Alice Ayers