Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Lions, and Tigers, and Wednesday One-Liners — Oh My!

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.

–Starbucks, West Village

Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies

Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!

–Broadway

Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Mickey

Rest in Peace, Wednesday One-liners

Anorexia on cell: Oh, she died? From what?…Oh, that’s horrible. Well, everyone has to die somehow. –Coffee shop, Madison & 79th Overheard by: Julz Cab driver: Are you trying for die, bitch? –Taxi, Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Aaron Brumer Girl on cell: …and they took me to a psychic and the psychic said I’m, like, dead inside and that I have nothing going for me. –Broadway & Broome Guy: I’ll tell you what: I’ll kill myself, you don’t have to bother. –47th & 5th Woman on cell: Girl, you know I only gotta do two things: stay black and die. And I’m doing that real well. Staying black, I mean. –Karavas Place ladies’ room, W. 4th Street Girl: Oh, so I forgot to tell you about my ex who died last year. He drowned…this is a good story. –World Financial Center

Abort Playdate! Abort Playdate!

Little girl #1: Guess what my mom told me that your mom told her the other day when we were playing? She had another baby before you and it died!
Little girl #2: No, my mom said that I’m the oldest.
Little girl #1: You are now ’cause the other one died. She died before she was even born!
Little girl #2: That’s impossible! You can’t die before you are born!
Little girl #1: Yes you can. You can die before you are born, while you are born, or after. You can die at any time and you don’t even have to do anything bad.
Little girl #2: I don’t want to play with you anymore. –Manhattan bound F train
Headline by: Krista
Runners-Up:
· “At her house, Zoloft is served at snacktime” – Krisztina
· “Debbie Downer: The Early Years” – E
· “Did I say something wrong?” – PJ
· “Playtime With Wednesday Addams” – Gabbertoons
· “Sartre’s Daughter Had A Hard Time Making Friends” – xavier
· “She was later known as the girl who kicked pregnant women in the stomach “just to see what happened”” – Danielle
· “Sylvia Plath Never Did Get Along With The Other Kids” – Ariel
· “Was it something I said?” – Jared
· “Welcome to Ayn Rand Kindergarten” – Emily
· “When playdates go bad… next on Springer” – Jenn
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hallway, CCNY

Overheard by: ladyliver

Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.

–1250 Broadway

Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kiri

Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.

–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Lillian