Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing! –Fordham A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are. –Varick Street Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Drunk: Where’s my boy, man? –Odessa, Ave. A
Deli guy: Yo Susan, how’s life treating you?
Customer: Bad. I need an new life.
Deli guy: Your life’s almost over and you need a new one? –Bensonhurst
Girl #1: To tell the truth, I don't know why everyone's sad he's gone… He sounded like a horrible person. He wasn't exactly a faithful guy, from what I've heard.
Girl #2: Well, no, he only cheated on her once.
Girl #1: Once is one time too many! And he seems like the type to beat her, too.
Girl #2: No. Well, wait… He did… But it was only once.
Girl #2: Oh, okay! Only once…
Overheard by: Itwasonlyonce
Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!
–Steps, The Met
Overheard by: gossipgirlish
Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?
–Central Park East
Overheard by: walter
Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.
–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave
Girl: If they all died, he wouldn't have any problems.
Guy: Not everyone, just my grandmother.
–9th St & 2nd Ave
Girl to friend: When I was in 4th grade my teacher made me take the butterflies home to let them grow. What happened? They fucking died! I came back to school and looked like an idiot because I was the only black girl in my class. Leave it to the damn black girl to kill the butterflies and ruin it for the whole class!
Little boy, watching teen girl smoking: Why are people always smoking cigarettes?
Dad: Because they are addictive. That is why daddy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will happen to her if she doesn't quit?
Little boy: Well, first you'll get really sick. And then you'll die. (pause) And then you'll be dead!
–15th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Nora Claire
Professor: So there's this study that says that left-handed people have lower evolutionary fitness.
Student: Does that mean that we're doomed because the President is left handed?
Professor, without missing a beat: No, it just means he's going to die.
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St