Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Really the Best Way to Put Conflict in Perspective

Hobo #1: Stop playing your fucking drum, I hear it all the way over here.
Hobo #2: I was here first, motherfucker!
Hobo #3: You guys, why can't you just play together?
Hobo #2: Nah, fuck you man! Stay out of it!
Hobo #3: You should die. You gonna die. Tonight!
Hobo #2: Are you threatening me, man?
Hobo #3 (laughing): Nah, man, I'm just a shoe shiner, but you're seriously gonna die.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Highstein

Dude, Kids Would Rather Have the Father Than the Money

40-something man to small toddler: I love you very much, sir.
Toddler: (inaudible gibberish)
40-something man: I will make you very rich, sir.
Toddler: (more inaudible gibberish)
40-something man: When I die you will be very wealthy, sir.
Toddler: (more inaudible gibberish)
40-something man: I will make you so much motherfucking money, sir. You will be so motherfucking rich, sir.

–12th St & Ave B

Overheard by: John

Night of the Living Wednesday One-Liners

Prada-clad German professor: It is not chic to be dead, ja?

–NYU

Woman: Okay, I’ll see you later! Tell your wife I hope she finds the body!

–84th & 1st

Overheard by: Omar

WASP lady: Alan has been so much better since Maggie’s murder.

–Village-bound cab, 9th Ave

Overheard by: Tang

Woman: I don’t do death well.

–Chelsea

Dude: What does a ham sandwich have to do with the death of Christ?!

–Bleecker & Bowery

Women on cell: No, they only have male cadavers… Yeah, it is a bummer.

–Union St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mitchell

NYU girl: It was amazing, and I also saw a dead guy on the street this morning. I saw Oprah and a dead guy all in one day!

–Starbucks, W 4th St

Wednesday One-liners Read in Union Square

Stoner: We’re on the verge of a spiritual revolution. It’s like Fight Club…but without the violence. –Union Square Overheard by: braun bowery Guy: The fact that bar was full of ugly girls is just ridiculous. –Union Square Crazy lady: Fine, stay where you are, Linda! Stay on the streets, stay in the gutter…but put all your stuff away! –Union Square Overheard by: Jen Woman: If I die of malaria, you can have my DVD player. –Union Square Lady on cell: …so what’s the difference between the East Village and the West Village? –Union Square Overheard by: feitclub Guy on cell: I didn’t throw the lamp at you because I was out of control, I threw the lamp at you because you said I was out of control. –Union Square Overheard by: John Guy: Dude! At least you’re getting head. Bad head is better than no head, any day of the week! –Union Square Overheard by: Joy Smoker

Wednesday One-Liners Have a View to a Kill

God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio. –R train Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image. –Central Park Overheard by: Laura Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone. –GWB Terminal, 175th St Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.” –10th St & 1st Ave B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing. –Knitting Factory, Leonard St Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea? –Hunter College Overheard by: acep & arielle Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5. –Central Park Overheard by: MC