Idiot, 50s: That’s the one argument against capital punishment that cannot be refuted. If you do it, someone is dead. –Westway Diner, 9th Ave
Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.
–Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dodd Loomis
Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment…
–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!
–Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery
20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.
–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th
Overheard by: Dash
Drunk British chick: She clucked and mooed, so I said twelve.
–Red Hook, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Sam Jerman
Guy on cell: Did you know that one out of six people with scoliosis die every day? Yeah, I know… Ha! No, I’m just kidding. I made that up.
–Astor & Lafayette
Overheard by: Jay
Dude to chick: On a scale from one to cookie… you’re a seven.
Loud lady: I mean, how many times did I have my head between Greg’s legs? Only 12 or 13 times! Not that many times.
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Overheard by: tmoney
Black teen to his friends: Yo, I read the Bible nine times, and that shit contradicted itself like a motherfucker!
–Broadway & Steinway, Astoria
Girl: Do you think it's inappropriate to wear black to a funeral?
Guy: Um, no. Why would it be?
Girl: Well, its just so… depressing. It's so cliche!
Teen boy: Just like Jesus knew when he was gonna die, I know when I’m gonna be stabbed.And it’s gonna be sometime soon. –6 train Overheard by: Tanya Rosario
Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?
–Outside Times Square Police Station
Overheard by: leah
Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.
–45th & Broadway
Overheard by: Claire
Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!
–38th St, Astoria
Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"
–Lexington & 75th
Overheard by: wb
Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?
Girl #1: Ever notice how tightly girls hold onto their boyfriends when they are walking through Chelsea?
Girl #2: Right? It’s like they’re afraid he’s going to run out into traffic and get hit by a truck. –17th & 8th
Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"
–Lower East Side
Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.
–181 & St Nicholas
Overheard by: must not have liked you
Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.
Overheard by: Dayn
Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!
–7th & 13th St
Overheard by: can I come to that party?
Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.
–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea
20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Jazz
Asian chick: I guess upstate is just one big… thing. And the people up there are, like, robots. They have so many rules… And what are they for? I mean, they’re to kill people… And I am anti-violence.
Overheard by: Moose
Crazy lady to frustrated friends: All she needs to do is fucking die, okay?
Overheard by: Jesse
NYU student: Last time I did the Ouija board it told me I was going to die… Then it turned out to be right.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: only cats have nine lives
Conductor: The consequence of using a cell phone in the quiet car is… the death penalty.
–Amtrak to Boston
Five-year-old boy: But Dad, it was a dead gypsy!
–Washington & Rector
Middle-aged woman to younger woman, matter-of-fact: … And it’s not like you meant to kill her. You were just fooling around.
–E 12th St, between 5th Ave & University Pl
Overheard by: Liz A
Elderly woman yelling at man looking at map: Where you going? What color is your train? Is it yellow or orange? This train is green. You should get on a red train. (singing) Red, orange, yellow, green, blue. Oh, and brown. Can't forget that. Just don't go to Brooklyn. No. No. No-o-o-o. Not there.
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl on phone: My friend said that's probably why I don't like Brooklyn–because I have the night of the living dead outside my window…
–Amsterdam & 112th
Upper East Side man: If you really want to rough it, go to Brooklyn.
–84th & 2nd
Little girl shouting: Everyone in this entire building is going to Brooklyn!