Why Fag-Hags Exist.

JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.

–Cosi, E 8th St

So I Can Totally Identify

(at an academic conference on Renaissance aesthetics)
Student #1: You know it's gonna be good when all the speakers are British.
Student #2: Pretty sure they're Australian.
Student #1: Oh… Posers!

–Gallatin Building, NYU

Overheard by: harker

It's a Hop, Skip, and a Plumed Hat from Being Prince Charming at Disneyland

Straight male employee: How gay do you have to be to shop here?
Gay male customer, overhearing employee: How gay do you have to be to work here?

–Michael's Craft Store, Queens

Can I at Least Give You My Penis?

Hobo to smoking girl: Hey, can I give you a cigarette?
Girl: Um…that's okay. Got one.
Hobo: Oh! Well, can I get one?
Girl: It's my last one.
Hobo: Can I share it with you?
Girl: You know what…here, you can have it.
Hobo: Can I give you some spare change?
(girl walks away)

–6th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Michele

The Live-Bug Earrings, Especially

Girl #1, yelling: We are not weird! We are not odd! Why would someone say that!?
Girl #2: Well, I'm a little odd.
Girl #1: Yeah. I guess you are.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: .bryan.

They Say the Neon Lights Aren't Too Bright on Broadway

Clueless girl: Wait, is Rent about AIDS?
Slightly less clueless girl: Yeah.
Clueless girl: Oh, shit! Now I get it!

–LIRR Train

Overheard by: c

At Least I Remember Ringo the Baptist

Younger woman: What's the name of Jesus' father? Not god, the other guy!
Older woman: Joseph?
Younger woman: Yeah! Him. Oh wait, so it's not “John”? Forget it.

–Midtown

The Voting Public, in a Nutshell

Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.

–F Train

Prepare for Exsanguination and Death

Punk girl on phone: If they fucked up my computer I will kill them and drink their blood.
Computer tech (overhearing her and taking two steps back): Uhm… Your hard drive just crashed.
Punk girl: Fuck you.

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Because I've Got a Lot of Coke to Finish

Ditz #1: Did you know that when you snort while laughing you lose three brain cells?
Ditz #2: So you're saying if I snort for an hour I'm gonna be fucking retarded?

–F Train