Archive for the ‘Delis’ Category

Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Scott Baio Is 45…and a Wednesday One-Liner

Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati?

–Deli, Canal & Hudson

Overheard by: Uncle Bling

Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand.

–Park Slope

Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you.

–Life Cafe, Bushwick

Overheard by: D

Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building!

–W 49th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson.

–LIRR

…And a Milkshake, Please.

Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I'm trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.

–Lafayette Ave & Broadway

I Just Threw Up in the Potato Salad a Little

Deli worker: Dude, did you just see those girls walk by outside?
Friend: Damn, dude, those girls are walking around like their shit don't stink! And it definitely doesn't.
Deli worker: Yeah, tell me about it!
Friend: Seriously, bro, I'd let both of them fart in my mouth!

–Deli, Greenpoint

Janet Reno Day One-Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13th St