Archive for the ‘Delis’ Category

You're No Body 'Til Some Body Wednesday One-Liners You

Girl: He has a really amazing skull. –Bakery, Cortelyou Road Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses? –170th St & Broadway Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex! –Broadway & Ooper Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse! –Staten Island Ferry Overheard by: Colin

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?! –Waverly Place & Broadway Overheard by: lezbotron Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See? –Brooklyn Overheard by: Brad Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick. –Stanton & Ludlow Overheard by: CN Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is! –Hunter College, 68th & Lexington Overheard by: off white

Janet Reno Day One-Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face! –176th & Broadway Overheard by: emily d. Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen! –2nd Ave & 10th St Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly! –Midtown Bar Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why? –Broadway & 13th St

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name. –The Point Knitting Cafe Overheard by: Heather Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean! –NYU Hospital Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!! Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them. –23rd & 8th Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat! –Central Park Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews… –Deli, 1st Ave Overheard by: Allison

Scott Baio Is 45…and a Wednesday One-Liner

Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati? –Deli, Canal & Hudson Overheard by: Uncle Bling Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand. –Park Slope Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you. –Life Cafe, Bushwick Overheard by: D Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building! –W 49th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Michael Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson. –LIRR

…Despite My Best Efforts

50-something woman: Do you have pastrami?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Is it good?
Deli worker: Yes.
50-something woman: Okay, then. I'd like a pastrami on rye. Lots of pastrami.
Deli worker: Will that be to stay or to go?
50-something woman: Oh, it's to go home to my husband. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of his triple bypass surgery. –Deli Store Overheard by: ydnew naej