Archive for the ‘Delis’ Category

One-Liners All Have Wednesday DNA

Woman on cell: And then he threw the wig and car keys at him, and to me, that says family!

–West Village

Overheard by: Kate S

20-something on cell: Yeah, I Rickrolled my cousin's Bar Mitzvah last night. No, he didn't get it, the sheltered little Short Hills prick.

–MoMA

Overheard by: Trevor

Young guy in deli to friend: So getting support from my parents is like dealing with a record label. You have to create a buzz, make it seem like you're doing something, or they don't want to be involved with you.

–Frank's Deli

Drunk girl: That's my brother! But we're both only children.

–Pieces Bar, Christopher St

30-something man to 30-something woman: When are we ever going to find a time when both of our parents aren't home?

–7th & 1st

And, While He's Fucking Me, Scream Out, “I'm Straaaiiiight!”

Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.

–Roxy, Times Square

Overheard by: Token

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Breakthrough

Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.

–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.

–W 3rd St

Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jenny

Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.

–Deli, Upper West Side

Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

80's Pop: The Universal Language

Black dude in deli, listening to Michael Jackson on radio: I can't hear another Michael Jackson song.
Arab guy behind counter: How old are you?
Black dude: 25.
Arab guy: See, I'm 37. When I was five, until 15, this was all that was playing.
(Billie Jean is now playing) “Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts!”
Black dude
: Too late.


–Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.

–The Point Knitting Cafe

Overheard by: Heather

Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hospital

Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!

Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!

–Central Park

Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Allison