Chubby girl on cell: Hello?! I’m getting a tattoo! What I need to know is: right butt cheek or left butt cheek?
–Elevator, Sulzberger Hall, Barnard College
Lady in cubicle on phone about daughter: She went from looking like a boy to J-Lo in three months, so she’s very busy shaking her booty — it’s raw, exposed estrogen.
Man, to group of other men as thin passerby ignores them: Damn! Don’t she know it’s illegal for a black chick to have no ass?!
–2nd Ave & 3rd St
Overheard by: Ohiowatha
Attractive teen: My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I couldn’t talk about anything that had to do with my ass. He was, like, anal about it and would say all the time, ‘Don’t you talk about your ass, it’s going to completely turn me off — I don’t want to hear about it.’
Overheard by: Talia
Man on cell: I remember — we just got my rear end replaced.
Overheard by: Asinine
Chick on cell: Eeyore’s butt — where is it?!
Overheard by: Ladle
Man on cell: And she said, ‘You’re pretty cute for a garbage man,’ and then she grabbed my ass.
Overheard by: Kat