Guy: Damn, this escalator’s small…fat bitches can’t get on this. –Movie Theater, Times Square Overheard by: Alayna
Fratboy #1: Can she bring some of her friends?
Fratboy #2: You don’t want to meet her friends.
Fratboy #1: Why?
Fratboy #2: I don’t know, they’re…
Fratboy #1: They’re fat, right?
Fratboy #2: Yeah. –1 Train Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
Guy: I massaged this girl today. She might as well have been a shar-pei. –Restivo’s, 22nd and 7th Overheard by: Steven Coombs
British Woman: So, what’s the purpose of the Empire State Building again?
British Man: It’s a sign of American power. –Empire State Building Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien Little Italian Guy: I’ll bet this whole building weighs at least a thousand pounds. –Empire State Building (365,000 tons) Overheard by: Stomach Aches
An elevator equipped with a TV monitor shows a news segment of a man who just rescued a person swept away by floodwaters in California.
Yuppie Prick #1: Wow, that guy is fat. Can you imagine him saving anyone?
Yuppie Prick #2: Nope!
Fat Bystander: Not unless it was your miserable ass in the water, and he was savin’ you, jerkoff! –Midtown elevator
A woman blocks the entire stairway. The man behind her says: Lady, if ya gotta be fat an’ slow, could ya do it in fronna somebody else? –Union Square station A portly Russian man sits down in between me and an Italian woman this morning. I bite my tongue. She does not: You’re joking, right? You don’t fit! You should just pick yourself up! –D Train
The cashier scans an old lady’s ricotta cheese.
Cashier: Why didn’t you get the bigger one?
Old Lady: ‘Cause I’ll eat it all! This way I have a limit. –Waldbaum’s, Bensonhurst
Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me? –Brighton Beach
Skinny girl: Ohmigod, I should be like a plus-size model!
Skinnier girl: You look great!
Skinny girl: You are sooo skinny! What do you do?
Skinnier girl: I don't eat more than like a thousand calories a day.
–Elevator, MSG Suites
Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.
Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.
Customer: To a baby?
Overheard by: mjw51