Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

I Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You still love me even though I’m a fatty? –113th & Broadway Guy on cell: You know, dude, I could totally fall in love with her if she weren’t such a crack-whore. –11th & 3rd Overheard by: Kaitlyn Loud hipster girl: Shrooms are like love and happiness. You don’t find them; they find you! –Williamsburg waterfront Overheard by: could use all three Idealist: If he really loved me, wouldn’t he moisturize?! –Harlem Overheard by: McN Ghetto girl: Love ain’t got nothin’ to do with the way you smellin’ right now! –Chambers & Broadway Overheard by: AWAG Middle-Aged guy: But if she loved me so much, why did she point the shotgun at me? –57th between 6th & 7th Overheard by: harvey Woman on cell: You know that Susan already hates you…Of course she’s just doing it to be a bitch…I love Susan. –73rd & Columbus Overheard by: Will

Wednesday Fatty-Boombalatty-Liners

Girls looking at pictures: He was mad fat, but he was a good ass baby. –Uptown A Train Guy walking through sea of sun bathers: There aren't even that many fat people here… That's good. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Guy on cell: You're not skinny fat, no. –East Village Guy on cell phone: You mean you're not going to fatso's wedding! –N Train Overheard by: wasn't even invited Female suit: Why the hell does Weight Watchers have so many big fat people working in their offices, anyway? That's so not inspiring! –40th & Madison Ave Guy on phone: You mean the really nice one? She got big? What do you mean by big? (pause) Oh. Well, she has an exceptionally beautiful face, man. Do the right thing. –9th & 15th Overheard by: Courtney

When Cow Tipping Goes Bad

Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault. –42nd & Avenue of the Americas Headline by: chubba Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell! –Broadway & 13th Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth. –The Village Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right? –Mercury Lounge, LES Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed! –McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: ehka Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina. –Fordham Gym