Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

When Cow Tipping Goes Bad

Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault. –42nd & Avenue of the Americas Headline by: chubba Runners-Up:
· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday Vaginers

Enthusiastic 20-something: Oh, is that ciabatta? Yummy! Whenever I see ciabatta, my pussy starts to swell! –Broadway & 13th Random passerby: He wants a vagina. In and around his mouth. –The Village Cute NYU blonde: He won't like, touch my vagina with his hands. That means he's gay, right? –Mercury Lounge, LES Drunk Latina to drunk white girl whose boyfriend stepped out to get a paper bag: Girl, just tell him to take you home. Tell him you want to sleep tonight. Tell him your pussy is closed! –McDonald's, 14th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: ehka Girl in gym: Everything on my body is flaccid, except my vagina. –Fordham Gym

Wednesday One-Liners — You Can Count Their Ribs!

Girl to friend: I mean, he has an eating tutor. –Astoria Overheard by: Joel Rabbi: Fasting is completely useless. –Yom Kippur service, Temple Beth El Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld Girl on cell: No, I think her boobs are fake. There is no way you can be anorexic and have boobs like that. I know! They look so awful! Like balloons on a broomstick! –Barnard College Overheard by: Vicksburg Chick to friend: You can lose weight just by digesting. –Main St & Roosevelt Ave, Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Rita Big black lady, stuck in the stall: Oh, hell no! I ain’t come in the bathroom for anorexic people! –Stall #2, Ladies’ room, Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th Overheard by: Laughing in Stall #1

Wednesday One-Liners Would Rather Be Thin and Dead

Young woman: Oh… I don’t eat dinner anymore. That’s my new thing. –Bloomingdale’s, 59th St & Lex Overheard by: Emily Duncanson Mother to size-4 daughter: If you were skinny you’d look good in these clothes. –Zara, Lex & 59th St Queer: Go ahead, get dessert. You can just purge it up later. –Azul Bistro, Stanton St & Suffolk St Girl on cell: Why do you always ask if I’m anorexic? What’s so wrong about being bulimic? –7 train Overheard by: Dorothy Ana girl: Look at those kids eating… Eating… –Lowes, Times Square Overheard by: julia Guy: Please, I did so much coke, I can fit into these pants. –3rd Ave & 14th St Queer on cell: Eating disorders are healthy. –23rd St & 8th St Overheard by: Also a Homo