Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Reject the Tyranny of Unrealistic Body Images

Queer: There were so many fat people there… I was, like, breathing fat-air.

–Lafayette & Bleecker

Fat guy, looking at cheese nips: Oh no! I don’t want the reduced-fat ones!

–Associated Market, Bleecker & LaGuardia

Latina on train full of Yankees fans and more people boarding: One person getting off and three getting on! Niggas is trying to fit and they fat! If you fat, take the next train! Oh my god! Fuck!

–4 train

Girl on cell: What would a party be without the two of us shaking our thigh fat at each other?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Woman: Skinny motherfuckers! I’m a plus-sized woman! I keep my man warm! I know how to make my man cum! Skinny Motherfuckers!

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: KA

Fat loudmouth: Obesity — it’s in the DNA. And last night, I felt the gene hit me. So I had a tuna sandwich, but I threw away the bread. The gene, it wants me to be fat — it don’t want me to look nice like everyone else.

–Uptown 2 train

Overheard by: Beecals

Realist chick: Yeah, I know how to say ‘french fries’ in practically every language because I’m a fat-ass.

–NYU Kimmel Center, Washingon Square Park

Overheard by: tj

But Miami's Warm– Why Is Everyone There So Attractive?

Teen punk girl: You know, I don't get why people wear uggs. They're all like, “oh, they're warm, they're warm! I don't care if they're warm, they are not attractive!
Teen hipster friend: Yeah, I know, right?
Teen punk girl: There's many things that are warm, but that are not attractive. North Face ski coats are warm, are they attractive? No. Fat people must be warm, are they attractive? Fuck no!

–110th & Amsterdam

Wednesday One-Liners Have More Stomachs Than a Cow

Teen boy: I like touching fat people.

–69th St & 5th Ave, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: Jon A.

Guy to friends: So I was on the subway the other day and I was counting some guys’ chins and I realized, I’m just not a nice person.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CUMT

Large black woman on cell: Of course I’m loud, I’m fat!

–25th & 8th

Overheard by: Beckerman

Chick to guy: I’m thinking of keeping it, as an excuse to get fat.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ladle

30-something with heavy NYC accent: Ya know, if I had to do high school all over again, I woulda fucked a fat chick. I wouldna cared so much.

–34th & 5th

Man yelling on cell: I would be so much better at Jeopardy then her! Her fat Indian hands can’t hit the button as fast as I can!

–35rd St & 5th Ave

Female house manager: He comes over and he’s like: "What are you doing?" and I said: "My job." and he goes: "You’re fat."

–Theater, St Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Mariah

Wednesday One-Liners Jill Off

Music manager on phone: You know what you need? Lesbians! Everyone needs a lesbian.

–20th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: LoRna

Lady on cell: And now she thinks I’m a lesbian because I borrowed her…

–Union Square Greenmarket

Overheard by: borrowed her what?

Guy on cell: Did you bring chairs and a cooler? Cause usually lesbians are so prepared, they always bring chairs and a cooler.

–Ludlow near Rivington

English woman (trying on a pair of vintage men inspired shoes) to man: I always thought there was something very chic about a woman wearing a man’s shoe. (looks at her footwear) But I have to be skinny for this look, otherwise I’ll look like a lesbian!

–Frock Vintage Store

Overheard by: Shoegal

Guy to friend: She isn’t a lesbian but she does own a house.

–13th & 1st

Wednesday One-Liners. (And by That We Mean Exactly What You Think We Mean.)

Hipster to friend having problems with ATM card: Maybe it's for normal people and you're just abnormally large.

–Village ATM

Overheard by: rafa

Overenthusiastic father of new skater: Oh, you know, it's her first time, so I wanted to make sure that I was there to help her through it so that it'd be extra-special for her.

–Wollman Rink, Central Park

Overweight woman: Where's Wang? Guys, where's Wang?

–Hard Rock Cafe

Tourist mom: It's not big enough to impress me.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Not The Empire State, Surely

Loud woman: It was a three-legged pussy!

–Union Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Rachel K

Modern literature professor, after ending class early: Well, that's it, I've blown my load.

–Columbia University