Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs? –Greenpoint Ave Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink? –Cook St & Bushwick Ave Overheard by: cameo Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious! –Rockafeller Plaza Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy! –Pillow Fight, Union Square Overheard by: Anna P. Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden! –37th St & 8th Ave 20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys! –Topshop
Girl #1: What did you get from your secret Santa?
Girl #2: Just some soaps and smelly stuff from Bath & Body Works. Oh, and a free promotional CD that my secret Santa told me was free.
Girl #1: Who was your secret Santa anyway?
Girl #2: Amy. I saw what she got from her secret Santa. It was a Santa vibrator.
Girl #1: A Santa vibrator! Much cooler than soaps and a free CD.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so. Until I stole the Santa vibrator off her desk. It was fucking small, though. As big as my pinkie. –N train Overheard by: michelle luvey
Mom: Do you think they use dildos?
Dad, indicating 20-something daughter: I don’t know. Why don’t we ask our resident expert? –116th & Broadway Overheard by: alxie
Straight guy: Shit! They’re closed. There’s no way I’ll be able to buy a dildo this late at night.
Guy walking by: Dude, in this city you can definitely find a dildo this late at night. –13th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Jesse D
Girl #1: And my dad wasn't about to leave his business…
Girl #2: What does your dad do?
Girl #1: Personalized stuffed animals. That's why my middle name…
Girl #2: Teddy.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Yeah. You are so lucky your dad doesn't deal sex toys. Then you'd be, like, Samantha Dildo. –10th St & 2nd Ave
Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.
Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.
Girl, excited: Did it work?
Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime. –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Mika
Hipster chick: When my friend was pregnant she bought a book called Orgasmic Birth.
Hipster guy: So, wait — she used her baby like a dildo? –The Sunburnt Cow, Ave C & 9th St Overheard by: Soula
Chick: Oh my god, I feel so sore. Next time can you not use the bigger dildo?
Dude: I can try, but I can’t give you any guarantees. –68th & Lex Overheard by: Amo
Man to confused ladies turning around to exit porn shop: We have straight stuff too!
Women, re-entering store: Oh! In that case… –Chelsea Headline by: Paul Tabachneck Runners-Up:
· “All Our Dildos Are Unisex…” – Jacques
· “But You’ll Need to Enter the Store Via the Front Door” – Zorak
· “Do You Have Any Dildos Shaped Like Clay Aiken?” – Clay got a bitch preggers…
· “I’ll Take 600 Of Your Finest, Blackest Dildos, Please.” – porter
· “Ironically, It’s In the Rear.” – Allison
· “ItÂ´s In the Back Behind the Curtain” – Deek
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Guy: I'm a cute gay guy at NYU. I'm doing just fine, darling!
Girl: I'm a straight girl at NYU. I go through a lot of vibrators. –Starbucks, Washington Square