Girl #1: Yeah, and when I opened the drawer it had a dildo, I swear!
Girl #2: Is that a Pokemon or a game?
–Bryant Park
Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category
Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?
–Greenpoint Ave
Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?
–Cook St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: cameo
Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!
–Rockafeller Plaza
Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!
–37th St & 8th Ave
20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!
–Topshop
Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down
NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt?
–50th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it…
30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock.
–Broadway and Waverly
Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth!
–Downtown 5 Train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot!
–2nd Ave & St. Mark's
Overheard by: Joe
Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass?
–52nd St & 9th Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors
Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.
–SVA George Washington Dorms
Overheard by: Nicole
Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?
–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.
–Broadway & E 7th
Overheard by: Jon A.
Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.
–A Train
Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!
–6th Ave & 13th St
But a Girl Has to Make Her Own Luck
Girl #1: And my dad wasn't about to leave his business…
Girl #2: What does your dad do?
Girl #1: Personalized stuffed animals. That's why my middle name…
Girl #2: Teddy.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Yeah. You are so lucky your dad doesn't deal sex toys. Then you'd be, like, Samantha Dildo.
–10th St & 2nd Ave
…Once I Get It Back from What's-Her-Name on the Fourth Floor.
Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.
Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.
Girl, excited: Did it work?
Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime.
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Mika
The College Equivalent Of Being a Cat Lady with Scented Candles
Guy: I'm a cute gay guy at NYU. I'm doing just fine, darling!
Girl: I'm a straight girl at NYU. I go through a lot of vibrators.
–Starbucks, Washington Square
Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood
Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator?
–4th St & 2nd Ave
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over?
–Whole Foods
Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures.
–The Leather Man
Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend
Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her.
–5th Ave & 58th St.
Overheard by: Courtney
Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?!
–Crowded NYU Elevator
Overheard by: S
Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes!
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: Liat
Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job
Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Patrick
Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.
–48th & Broadway
Overheard by: MsPrint
Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!
–Times Square
Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?
–Times Square
Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.
–W 43rd St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Daniel