Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously.
–Chelsea
Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out
Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive?
–Upper East Side
Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina?
–32nd & 8th
Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded!
–2nd Ave
Overheard by: Maureen
30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas.
–D Train
Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Can I borrow it?
All Of a Sudden, I'm Oddly Aroused.
Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.”
–Train, Penn Station
Overheard by: Highly Entertained
It's a Different Kind Of Head Shop
Boys in group, walking past novelty shop: Booong! Booong! Booong!
Irate friend: That's not a bong, that's a dildo, dumbass!
–6th Ave & W 4th St
Overheard by: theincredilbong
That's a Rosary, Sadie.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven't been working for me lately.
–Union Square
New Car Buyers Have Higher Standards Than Ever Before
Girl #1: Overpriced, and totally not worth it.
Girl #2: But does it come with a vibrator?
–43rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Taylor
Wednesday One-Liners Have Lips and a Beard, but No Nose
Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: rawr
Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating!
–Salvation Army, 11th & 4th
Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy!
–125th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: wonders why
Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore.
–Staten Island Ferry
Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here!
–Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Astigmatic
A Double, If You Know What I Mean
Girl #1: Thank god we are in singles next year.
Girl #2: Yeah, I'm getting a vibrator.
–Barnard College
If Gay Muppets Filmed A Nightmare on Elmo Street
Gay guy: I don't know why, they just scare me for some reason.
Lesbian: You're scared of dildos?
Gay guy: Yeah! They're just…always hard. And that scares me.
Lesbian: They're gonna get you. They're gonna come in the night while you sleep.
–NYU Student Lounge
Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing
Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls.
–Washington Square Park
Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight.
–City Hall
Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi
Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me.
–11th St & 5th Ave
Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child!
–8th Ave & 42nd St
Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist.
–33rd St.
Overheard by: Rio
High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi?
–St. Paul's Catholic Church