Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Find It Difficult to Sit Down

NYPD emergency service cop to man carrying very large hamster in a cage: Whoa, did you pull that out of someone's butt? –50th St & 10th Ave Overheard by: Well we're in the neighborhood for it… 30-something to friend: She has everything up her ass but a cock. –Broadway and Waverly Tall man to short lady behind her wearing backpack: If you shove that bag any further up my ass, it'll be coming out my mouth! –Downtown 5 Train Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer 20-something boyfriend to girlfriend: First I let you put a dildo up my ass, and then you call me a faggot! –2nd Ave & St. Mark's Overheard by: Joe Gay man: Oh. My. God. What kind of friend puts eels up your ass? –52nd St & 9th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had. –SVA George Washington Dorms Overheard by: Nicole Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula? –Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time. –Broadway & E 7th Overheard by: Jon A. Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them. –A Train Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom! –6th Ave & 13th St

Wednesday One-Liner Can Be Made Of Ivory, Glass, Rubber and Sometimes Wood

Loud girl to friend: How the hell do you lose your vibrator? –4th St & 2nd Ave Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm just waiting in line at Whole Foods. Still want me to bring the dildo over? –Whole Foods Gay man to boyfriend: I'm glad we could come here and show your coworkers that we really do buy lube for our sexual adventures. –The Leather Man Overheard by: i don't go to sex shops with my boyfriend Creepy older man on phone: Someone should really dildo her. –5th Ave & 58th St. Overheard by: Courtney Girl, loudly: Why didn't you tell me you bought lube?! –Crowded NYU Elevator Overheard by: S Large woman to group of friends: And if someone asks a question, I just wave a dildo in front of their eyes! –Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Liat

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook! –Upper West Side Overheard by: mtrainetiquette Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days. –Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars… –34th St & 5th Ave Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday? –45th & 8th Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money! –111 & Broadway

I Was Just Joking About It Having Been in a Mule's Ass.

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously. –Chelsea

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out

Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive? –Upper East Side Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina? –32nd & 8th Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded! –2nd Ave Overheard by: Maureen 30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas. –D Train Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Can I borrow it?

All Of a Sudden, I'm Oddly Aroused.

Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.” –Train, Penn Station Overheard by: Highly Entertained