Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser

20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook! –Upper West Side Overheard by: mtrainetiquette Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days. –Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars… –34th St & 5th Ave Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday? –45th & 8th Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money! –111 & Broadway

I Was Just Joking About It Having Been in a Mule's Ass.

Brunette girl: (enters elevator and stares angrily at Asian girl next to her, then leaves elevator)
Asian girl, to guy next to her: Oh my god!
Guy: What?
Asian girl: That was the same girl! I stuck a dildo in her mouth while we were all drunk last night.
Guy: Haha.
Asian girl: I don't know why she's mad at me. Like, what's the big deal, get over it.
Guy: Yeah, seriously. –Chelsea

Wednesday One-Liners Are Still Waiting for Those Boy Scouts to Come Out

Hot girl on cell: You got cockblocked by cancer! (pause, then very seriously) Is your pussy still radioactive? –Upper East Side Grown man talking to grown woman: You know the sandy vagina? –32nd & 8th Street man to slutty-looking hipsters: Freeze! Drop your drawers! We've got your pussy surrounded! –2nd Ave Overheard by: Maureen 30-something woman on cell: I like to use a blowdryer on the… uh… vaginas. –D Train Girl, screaming into cell: No, I will not give you my vagina! –Bryant Park Overheard by: Can I borrow it?

All Of a Sudden, I'm Oddly Aroused.

Blonde #1, playing Mad Libs on train: Okay, give me an adverb.
Blonde #2: Wait, which one is that? I always get that confused with adjectives, or whatever.
Blonde #1: Adjectives describe things. Like saying a guy is hot, or something. Adverbs describe like, actions and stuff. Okay? So, gimme an adverb.
Blonde #2: Vibration. Does that count?
Blonde #3: Well, let's put “vibratorily.” –Train, Penn Station Overheard by: Highly Entertained

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lips and a Beard, but No Nose

Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around! –66th & Broadway Overheard by: rawr Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating! –Salvation Army, 11th & 4th Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy! –125th St & Park Ave Overheard by: wonders why Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore. –Staten Island Ferry Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here! –Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill Overheard by: Astigmatic

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Browsing

Flamboyant foreigner: I changed my MySpace to say I like girls. –Washington Square Park Suit on cell: I'm gonna twitter my fucking ass off tonight. –City Hall Overheard by: Samantha Sharifi Girl on cell: Do they not have people in the US that follow the Blue Book? They have to get some guy from Oxford butt fuck to do it? It's so annoying. It's so annoying! Like, I want to take a strap on and fuck my computer. Well, not my computer, but the guy's computer, for having done this to me. –11th St & 5th Ave Middle aged African American woman to group of friends: I'm going on MySpace to comment that she abandoned her child! –8th Ave & 42nd St Businesswoman to friend: I just like having a family, you know? And you can't get that on Craigslist. –33rd St. Overheard by: Rio High school girl with iPod: Do you think this church has Wi-Fi? –St. Paul's Catholic Church