Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category

That'll Be Why My MadLibs Didn't Make Any Sense.

Girl #1: Is “dildo” a word? Is it in the dictionary?
Girl #2: It should be, it's a noun.

–15th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Dr.Suze

Headline by: Rosie

Runners-Up:
· “And It’s Not That Hard to Wrap Your Tongue Around It.” – Julian

· “I’ve Verified That It Can Be a Person or Thing.” – Jim
· “Just Look for the Picture Of Bill O’Reilly” – jlp
· “Lesbian Wins Scrabble Contest” – mr. macdog
· “Sure Don’t Script Porn Like They Used To” – benji


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Buy Hardware for Their Software

Large black lesbian to friends going into a sex shop: I don't wanna see no dildos unless I'm being fucked!

–Greenwich Village

Overheard by: J.D.

Mormon girl, loudly agreeing with friend: Yeah, I know, I know! I didn't even know what a dildo was until I got here! Like, freshman year!

–Outside Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: But what about a vibrator?

Loudest black girl in group of loud black teens: What I recommend, to every fuckin' nigga, is the vibratin' cock ring.

–14th St, Outside Urban Outfitters

Overheard by: Now curious about cockrings

Loud tourist girl: But Susan's butt-plug was only $75.

–Orchard & Rivington

Overheard by: MattyB

Man with thick Brooklyn accent on cell: I got the thing…yes the fuckin thing for the thing…yes, but I'm tellin' you the fuckin thing is definitely not big enough for her.

–31st St & 7th Ave

30-something woman to friend: So, between the time I got back from the meeting and the time you called me, I used my vibrator three times. (pauses and realizes everyone on the train is listening) Oh. Did I say that really loudly?

–D Train

Wednesday One-Liners Find Their Niche

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

…Let Me Get One of Those Straight-People Double-Ended Dildos…

Man to confused ladies turning around to exit porn shop: We have straight stuff too!
Women, re-entering store: Oh! In that case…

–Chelsea

Headline by: Paul Tabachneck

Runners-Up:
· “All Our Dildos Are Unisex…” – Jacques

· “But You’ll Need to Enter the Store Via the Front Door” – Zorak
· “Do You Have Any Dildos Shaped Like Clay Aiken?” – Clay got a bitch preggers…
· “I’ll Take 600 Of Your Finest, Blackest Dildos, Please.” – porter
· “Ironically, It’s In the Rear.” – Allison
· “It´s In the Back Behind the Curtain” – Deek


Click here to see the new Headline Contest