Archive for the ‘Directions’ Category

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger
: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?


–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Now What About the Statute of Librarians?

Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.

–Uptown 5 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Get Railroaded

Conductor: Check around, make sure you have all of your belongings. If you have small children, make sure you hold onto them. (in haunting tone) Wouldn't want to see them disappear…into the gap.

–Metro-North Line

Overheard by: Jess

Train conductor on PA: The last car is the quiet car. No cell phones or loud conversations please. If you need to have a conversation, please do so silently.

–Penn Station

Conductress, in monotone: The next stop on this train will be Grand Street, the last stop in the borough…in the borough….in the borough of Manhattan.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Conductor on PA: The next stop will be 51st Street. All of you lookin' for the local train on the other platform: hey yo! We over here!

–14th Street Station

MTA conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this train will be out of commission, uh…right now. Get out!

–MetroNorth Train

Overheard by: Kellin

Train conductor: Ladies and gentleman, brace for impact. (pause) Nah…just kidding, I could never pull that shit off. Y'all lucky we underground! Have a safe day.

–A Train

Today’s Quote Brought to You by the Letter Q, the Number 3, and a Total Dumbass

Tourist boyfriend: What’s Avenue Q?
Tourist girlfriend: Well, in New York City there’s a place called Alphabet City, and that’s where they have Avenues A through Z.

–Dylan Prime, Tribeca

Overheard by: rebecca marie

Headline by: Jessica Bessica

Runners-Up:
· “And Spamalot Is This City in England.” – SAtCW

· “It’s Basically a Concentration Camp for Puppets” – Mikey G.
· “It’s Right Next to Some Giant Apple” – Kelsey
· “No Tourist Left Behind” – sara
· “Ok, Can You Take Your Hand Out Of My Ass Now?” – sherman


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Ennui and Apathy, Living in Perfect Harmony…

Tourist mom: Excuse me, miss, do you know how to get back to Manhattan?
Hipster girl: I’m sorry, I don’t really have the energy to give you fake directions right now.

–Brooklyn-bound F train


Headline by: null


Runners-Up:
· “…Between the emphysema from the clove cigarettes and the anemia from cutting myself.” – invisible girl
· “And if I give real ones, I lose my hipster certification” – AmyS
· “But for $5, I’ll Pretend to Mock Your Fat Children” – Debra, the Barmaid Blog
· “I’m saving it all for defending my bitchy ass in Brooklyn” – knumb
· “When in doubt, Swim” – 6th Floor Blogger




Click here to see the new Headline Contest