Conductor #1: Folks, if you’re looking for a seat, walk all the way to the back of the train. The last car is not even half full. Conductor #2: Or half empty. –Metro North train
Tourist in Vancouver: Where is a neighborhood with lots of bars and cafes? Vancouverite: The street with all the bars and cafes is…. [then points and gives directions]
Woman: Hey, we should go to Alaska sometime.
Man: Alaska? We can’t even find our way downstairs! –Eskimo Diorama, American Museum of Natural History
Woman Passenger: How do we get Bowery Street?
Passerby: Fuck you, you fucking clit, I love you!
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Stewardess: Please keep all your bags underneath the seat in front of you, cause I’m the bag Nazi and I’ll come back and yell at you! –Plane, LaGuardia
Clueless European tourist: Is this the train to, um, men-a-tin?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: Where?
Clueless European tourist, carefully: Man-hat-tan?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: You're in Manhattan already!
Clueless European tourist, looking around confused: Um, downtown?
Loud annoyed New Yorker: That's the only place this train goes. You can't go anywhere else from here!
–A Train, 207th St
Overheard by: The Green Cat
Australian tourist to hobo on bench: Oh, shit, where am I?
Hobo on bench: Welcome to hell, lady.
Australian tourist to hobo: No, mate, I just flew in from there yesterday.
Hopelessly lost tourist: How do you get to Broadway?
Irritable local: Practice.
Overheard by: Kelly
Kindly stranger: Where do you want to go?
Lost couple: The Jersey Gardens outlet mall.
Kindly stranger: Do you want to take the bus?
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Tim
20-something gorgeous gay man wearing tiara: He wouldn't tell me where he was, so then I said “let me smell ya dick!”
20-something drop-dead hot girl: Something's rotten in Denmark.
–Bleecker & W 4th