Archive for the ‘Directions’ Category

The Little Wednesday One-Liner That Could

Cheerful female conductor: This is the express train. That means it's not not not not not not not the local train. Don't screw up.

–Metro-North Rail

Overheard by: Lynne

Conductor: Behold! This is Woodside! Change here for the former Shea Stadium, now Mets-Willets point. Have a great time!

–LIRR

Conductor: After Syosset, the next stop will be express, directly to Hunters Point Avenue. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

–LIRR

Overheard by: morningcommute

Conductor: There is an uptown express train across the tracks. When the doors open, get off if you want to get off. Don't just stand there looking at it.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Julie

Conductor, as doors open for passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, we know you've been waiting a long time for a train… (doors close abruptly) Wait for another.

–Q Train

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to a Building Near a Starbucks, Okay?

Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.

–Wall St & William St

Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!

–Central Park

Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?

–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th

Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.

–Bakery, Chinatown

Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.

–Bowery & Spring

Overheard by: Kaze

Wednesday One-Liners Should Have Hired a Sherpa

Frantic woman: Excuse me, is this the train to Manhattan?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: oliver

Tourist to companion: We've left the village now, but I don't think this is Soho.

–Stanton & Orchard

Middle-aged woman in sharp looking suit: I thought Croatia was an Asian country in Europe.

–4 Train

Woman to friends: I had four kids today label New York in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I am such a great teacher.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Mickey and Gabe