Archive for the ‘Directions’ Category

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger
: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?


–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

He'll Feel Superior for About a Minute, Before He Realizes He's in Brooklyn

Train conductor: This is Atlantic Avenue. If you don't want to be left in the city get off now, if you are going to the city, buckle up… wooo hoooo!
Ghetto woman: This nigga lost his mind.
Ghetto child: Just like daddy?
Suit: Fucking morons! (walks off train)

–Q Train

Overheard by: Got Off On Atlantic

God That Felt Good. I’m Shivering Here

Conductor over loud speaker: In case you didn’t stop to look at what train this is, listen up, because I’m telling you now. This is the C Train. This train will be running express from here to Canal Street. I repeat: This train is running express from here to Canal Street. If you need to get to a local stop in between, you must go to 14th Street and take the C uptown. Uptown trains are stopping at all stations. Next stop: 42nd Street.
Teen girl, as train approaches 42nd: Excuse me, is this train stopping at 23rd Street?
Conductor: You didn’t listen to the announcement at all, did you?
Teen girl: No.
Conductor: Then I’m not telling.

–C train, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: i love a tube with tude