Archive for the ‘Disabilities’ Category

I Won the Trifecta

Short man: So, my therapist told me to take off my clothes and look into the mirror.
Tall woman: Why?
Short man: To confront my inner midget.
Tall woman: Your inner what?
Short man: Midget.
Tall woman: Don’t you think that’s potentially offensive to midgets?
Short man: Why? Some people are paranoid, some are neurotic, some are short.

–Tea Lounge, 7th Ave & 10th St, Park Slope

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Had Medical Insurance

Girl on cell, smiling and laughing: Maybe because he’s a cripple!

–Pavilion Movie Theater

Overheard by: Jamie F

Running tween girl to friend: I’m going to give you breast cancer, you idiot!

–Times Square

Yuppie woman on cell and pushing empty wheelchair: Honey, guess what? I’m not a paraplegic anymore! No, seriously! Isn’t that great?!

–12th & 3rd

Suit on cell: You shouldn’t feel bad for the boy who cried uterine trouble.

–A train

Overheard by: Sue

Woman to street vendor: That’s the problem with my inverted uterus…

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: BT

Genius holding her breath to cure hiccups: Oh my god, I hate the hiccups. I mean, seriously. The hiccups are the most annoying thing ever. Like, if I had the choice of having cancer or the hiccups, I would choose cancer. I mean, I know people who’ve had cancer, and the hiccups are way more annoying.

–N train

Overheard by: jessica

Jersey chick to friend, after denying deaf panhandler: I mean, if he were missing a limb or something, that would be one thing…

–NJT train from Penn Station

Overheard by: gotta draw the line somewhere

I Bet It Was an HMO

Guy #1: So when I started telling him my feelings on the Iraq war, he rolled over to me in his wheelchair and started cursing me out. He was going on about his time in Vietnam and how there are things about war I’ll never understand.
Guy #2: That sucks.
Guy #1: I was like, “Whoa. You’re my shrink! I’m paying you to listen to me!”
Guy #2: Seriously.
Guy #1: Well, at least the co-pay was only $15. But anyway, I’m definitely not going back to him. –Von, Bleecker & Elizabeth Overheard by: Blondie