Delivery guy, bringing soda that wasn’t delivered the first time: You ordered a mistake?
Man: Huh?
Delivery guy: Somebody ordered a mistake?
–117th & 2nd
Overheard by: cerebral pauly
Archive for the ‘Doctors’ Category
Nobody Makes You Vomit but Me!
Doctor: What do you mean you vomited? When did you find the time to vomit? I don’t care if you’re in California, get on a plane back here! What do you mean, you vomited? How could you?!
–Lenox Hill Hospital
Overheard by: mademoisellezoo
How to Tell If Your Dentist’s a Virgin
Dentist: You don’t have any allergies, do you?
Patient: Penicillin.
Dentist: But no latex allergies or anything like that?
Patient: No! Oh my God, no! Wow. That would be totally horrible and depressing.
Dentist: Why, are you a med student or something?
Patient: …No.
–Columbia University Dental Practice, Amsterdam Ave
Wednesday One-Liners Aced Anatomy 101
Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit! –Keyspan Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jesse Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special. –Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain. –16th between 7th & 8th Overheard by: alyssa Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out? –Chili’s, Staten Island Overheard by: Ada and Andi Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled. –Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth. –29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs? –31st & 6th Overheard by: plo Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting? –North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island Overheard by: Shamrocknroll
Wednesday One-liners Seek Medical Attention
Doctor: Well, I can’t guarantee that after the circumcision it will look exactly like what you described. –New York Presbyterian Hospital Guy: I need to see a doctor. I’m not dying, but I have a leaking, stinking navel. –Doctor’s office, 67th & Amsterdam
I Bet It Was an HMO
Guy #1: So when I started telling him my feelings on the Iraq war, he rolled over to me in his wheelchair and started cursing me out. He was going on about his time in Vietnam and how there are things about war I’ll never understand.
Guy #2: That sucks.
Guy #1: I was like, “Whoa. You’re my shrink! I’m paying you to listen to me!”
Guy #2: Seriously.
Guy #1: Well, at least the co-pay was only $15. But anyway, I’m definitely not going back to him.
–Von, Bleecker & Elizabeth
Overheard by: Blondie
Is His Anatomy as Good as His Geography?
Chinese doctor: Where you from?
Nurse: Poland.
Chinese doctor: Good, you speak Czechlosvakian. I need to translate, this man is from Beirut.
–Elmhurst Hospital, Queens
Wednesday One-liners M.D.
Chick: I got drunk and forgot to take out my last tampon; when the doctor fished it out it was all gray and smelled like Alpo. –6 train
The Correct Term is “Nurse”
Doctor guy: What brings you here today?
Woman: You’re not wearing ID. Are you a doctor?
Doctor guy: Oh, I’m sorry, I left it at the computer.
He goes to get it.
Man: What didja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s really a doctor? He could be a homosexual.
–Coney Island Hospital
Overheard by: Iris Kalashnikova
The Battered Husband: All But Invisible
Doctor lady: OK, so what happened to you?
Bloody guy: I fell down some stairs, bitch.
–Bellevue Hospital, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: feitclub