Archive for the ‘Doctors’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Before the Fall

Chick: …And then when the naked girl got in the balloon I was so scared I thought I would die! –1 train Overheard by: Michael Schiano Dude: It’s like, as soon as you step into a room and take off your pants, all hell breaks loose! –Allen & Stanton Overheard by: Griffin Dude: I swear, like, everyone on this block has seen me naked. –Outside Rubin Hall, NYU Overheard by: Josh Little girl: Look! The nakeds! They’re naked! –Greek sculpture wing, the Met Chick on cell: I mean, if I’m going to send my friends footage of me doing topless jumping jacks, I want it to be remembered. –Harlem Suit on cell: You wanna know why we’re not friends anymore? Remember the last time you came to my house? I came out of the bathroom and there you were, stretched out on my sofa, naked, playing with your dick. What the fuck was that all about? –City Hall Park Overheard by: Big Larry Doctor to patient: Sir, I am going to prescribe you two things — some burn cream for, well, you know, and some advice: try not to cook without your pants on. –Beth Israel Hospital Emergency Room

Tonight on E!: Rapper 50 Cent’s Given Name, Revealed

Nurse #1: I know, I still can’t believe she signed that name on the birth certificate.
Doctor: What name?
Nurse #2: When Dr. Smith* delivered the afterbirth, this mom said, ‘Oh my god, what is that?’ and Dr. Smith said, ‘That’s the placenta.’
Nurse #1: Yeah, and then the freakin’ idiot says, ‘That’s the most beautiful name I ever heard! I’m gonna name my baby Placenta.’
Doctor: No, don’t tell me–
Nurse #2: Yep.
Doctor: I’m sorry I asked. –Hospital cafeteria Overheard by: 2nd time gramma

Wednesday One-Liners Aced Anatomy 101

Mother, to little boy: No, you cannot smell my armpit! –Keyspan Park, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jesse Doctor on cell: Look, having knees doesn’t make you special. –Oustide New York Presbyterian Hospital Ghetto chick: When she’s asleep, I’m gonna squat on her brain. –16th between 7th & 8th Overheard by: alyssa Father of little girl who has just hit her head: Did your brain fall out? –Chili’s, Staten Island Overheard by: Ada and Andi Chick: His teeth are really straight. But that’s because he was home-schooled. –Baskin Robbins, 23rd & 8th Guy: Every time a girl sees my teeth, she’s like, “Naaah.” I’m gonna get this whole shit redone, where they take them all out and replace the whole thing. It costs like $20,000…Only thing is you have to go two months without any teeth. –29th St & 33rd Ave, Astoria Middle-aged man, to college girl in skirt: Excuse me, miss, you have very nice legs. Have you ever thought about doing voice-overs? –31st & 6th Overheard by: plo Teenage boy: Who wants to play guess which body part am I fidgeting? –North Gannon & Bradley, Staten Island Overheard by: Shamrocknroll

I Bet It Was an HMO

Guy #1: So when I started telling him my feelings on the Iraq war, he rolled over to me in his wheelchair and started cursing me out. He was going on about his time in Vietnam and how there are things about war I’ll never understand.
Guy #2: That sucks.
Guy #1: I was like, “Whoa. You’re my shrink! I’m paying you to listen to me!”
Guy #2: Seriously.
Guy #1: Well, at least the co-pay was only $15. But anyway, I’m definitely not going back to him. –Von, Bleecker & Elizabeth Overheard by: Blondie