Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!"
–TKTS Booth, Times Square
Overheard by: Not Emaciated
Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand.
–Minetta Lane Theater
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder!
–Palace Theatre
Overheard by: Maggie
Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease!
–Metropolitan Opera
Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats.
–The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway
Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For
Archive for the ‘Dorks, Geeks and Nerds’ Category
So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?
Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me.
–W 4th St & Bank St
Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right?
–M60 Bus
Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder.
–Outside Tisch Hall, NYU
Overheard by: shaun
Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right?
–Broadway
Overheard by: Jessica
Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop!
–G Train
Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron
Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing?
–Thompson & Bleecker
Overheard by: office peon
Wiisday One-Liners
Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."
–SoHo
Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.
–The Village
Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!
–Chinese School
40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?
–GameStop, Park Ave
Overheard by: Jake C.
Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.
–43rd & Madison
At Least It Wasn't a 'Down Low, Too Slow'
Old nerdy father: How many people are in the world?
Toddler: Um…six billion?
Old nerdy father: You're right! (they high five)
Old black lady, passing by: Oh, hell no!
–68th & 2nd
Overheard by: Colleen
Prepare for Exsanguination and Death
Punk girl on phone: If they fucked up my computer I will kill them and drink their blood.
Computer tech (overhearing her and taking two steps back): Uhm… Your hard drive just crashed.
Punk girl: Fuck you.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept?
Nerdy guy: I don't understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me?
Girl: You go to NYU and you don't know that?
(nerdy guy shakes his head)
Girl: To put it bluntly, it's two people giving each other head.
Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean?
Girl: Oh my god…I can't tell you that now. You're the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn.
–Kimmel Center, NYU
He'd Stuff Your Pockets With Third World Babies
Dork #1: Dude, I think I just saw Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: What? Where?
Dork #1: Over there on the bench! It's him!
Dork #2: No way!
Dork #1: Yes it is! It's Brad Pitt!
Dork #2: I don't believe you! Why don't you go ask him?
Dork #1: Dude, you just don't go up to someone and ask if they're Brad Pitt.
–Columbia University
It's Like Blackboard Jungle Over There!
Elderly math teacher: By god, you can't just hand me any mangled piece of paper you want! What do you think this is, the Bronx High School of Science?
Geeky kid #1: Oooh, that's mean.
Geeky kid #2: Well, at least he didn't say Brooklyn Tech. They have cameras everywhere, and if you dis them, they'll take out their gun and be all, “What did you say about my school?”
Geeky kid #1: You just made that up.
Geeky kid #2: I wish.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by:
Just Be Thankful Your Imagination Stops There
Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.
–L Train
Overheard by: Bea 61
…By Writing Their Statistics in Blood on My Bathroom Mirror
Geek boy: You printed out her whole Facebook page!
Asian girl: Dude, you’re a total stalker!
Stalker boy: I’m not a stalker, I just like to keep track of people!
–2 Train
Overheard by: MTA’s Flying Dutchman