Archive for the ‘Dorks, Geeks and Nerds’ Category

Wiisday One-Liners

Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you."

–SoHo

Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP.

–The Village

Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?!

–Chinese School

40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity?

–GameStop, Park Ave

Overheard by: Jake C.

Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii.

–43rd & Madison

How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept?

Nerdy guy: I don't understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me?
Girl: You go to NYU and you don't know that?
(nerdy guy shakes his head)
Girl
: To put it bluntly, it's two people giving each other head.

Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean?
Girl: Oh my god…I can't tell you that now. You're the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn.

–Kimmel Center, NYU

It's Like Blackboard Jungle Over There!

Elderly math teacher: By god, you can't just hand me any mangled piece of paper you want! What do you think this is, the Bronx High School of Science?
Geeky kid #1: Oooh, that's mean.
Geeky kid #2: Well, at least he didn't say Brooklyn Tech. They have cameras everywhere, and if you dis them, they'll take out their gun and be all, “What did you say about my school?”
Geeky kid #1: You just made that up.
Geeky kid #2: I wish.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by:

Just Be Thankful Your Imagination Stops There

Geeky kid #1: So they were talking about cremation, did you hear that for $10,000 you can get your ashes turned into a diamond, like for your nearest and dearest to wear?
Geeky kid #2: Imagine if your wife wore it while she fucked some other guy!
Geeky kid #1: It? Imagine if she wore you.
Geeky kid #2: The wench.

–L Train

Overheard by: Bea 61

Wednesday Pun-Liners

Global teacher, about review packet: You must look at my package in order to see what’s there!

–History Class, Bronx HS of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

Woman in business suit on cell: Yeah, work is crazy right now because I have a big release coming out next week. (pauses) That’s what he said.

–26th & Park

Overheard by: absnola

Lady in the audience: Which one is Patti LuPone?

–St. James Theater

Dorky older guy to female bank teller (smiling): I’ve got a really big deposit for you.
(teller looks down and starts laughing)

–Chase Bank, 24th & 7th

Overheard by: Joe

Timid Asian deli boy to deli owner: Excuse me, I don’t know how to do number two.

–Deli, Union Square

Black waiter to Asian female customer: Enjoy your black balls.

–Ninja, Hudson St

Please, Wednesday One-Liners, May I Have Another?

Teenage boy to father: You know, everyone knows you’re a furry now.

–Food Emporium, 86th St

Curly-haired chick on cell: It’s like you’re a health nut but with S&M tendencies.

–Ouidad

Overheard by: Pookins

Woman on cell: I’m constantly carrying around like four outfits, paperwork, leftover food, and collars.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McF

Man on cell: Look, if you want to have sex with animals just get drunk and do it!

–Burrito Shop

Overheard by: Marc

Suit: …So if I raise the bed, then I can put the S&M toys under it.

–Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Overheard by: Katie

20-something college girl: Dude! I don’t know how I ended up on my knees calling him "Sir" okay!?… It just happened…

–St. Marks b/w 1st & A

Overheard by: i wish i was

Hot nerd on cell: I mean seriously, what’s the point of having friends if you can’t occasionally accuse them of sexual deviance?

–40th & 3rd