Archive for the ‘Dorks, Geeks and Nerds’ Category

Mommy, Where Do Wednesday One-Liners Come From?

Woman on cell, sitting at counter: The baby's not out yet…as in "it's still inside her." –McDonald's, Varick Street Overheard by: Jordan College student: It's like taking candy from a baby…only, ya know, I'd ask the mother first. –LIRR Overheard by: Dara Dork walking by Babies "R" Us with friends: Dude, look! I totally wanna buy a baby! –Union Square South Guy on cell: That shop smells like babies! –Union Square Drunk man in Santa hat to all train passengers: I know all you ladies want to have babies for Christmas, but there's no time for it! Close your legs, there'll be less heads. –L Train Overheard by: Handley Elizabeth

Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Through a Stage

Theater geek: So I was looking at auditions for this post-apocalyptic drama, and the ad said, "we're looking for men, all shapes and sizes. Actually no, you have to be ridiculously skinny, totally emaciated, on the verge of death. And… oh yeah, you have to have stringy hair. And be really bony. And my dad said, "you definitely need to try out for this!" –TKTS Booth, Times Square Overheard by: Not Emaciated Guy: No, I didn't do the graphics–I mean, the play's about Adam and Eve, but do they put naked people on the postcard to sell tickets? No, they have a cartoon of an apple. I don't understand. –Minetta Lane Theater Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Bathroom attendant at West Side Story: C'mon, people! Short line, long intermission! (toilet flushes) Hear that? That's music to somebody's bladder! –Palace Theatre Overheard by: Maggie Audience member, at interval of Aida: Hey, this is better than Grease! –Metropolitan Opera Disgruntled usher: I swear by every god of Jupiter that these are your seats. –The Ambassador Theatre, 49th & Broadway Overheard by: The Moons of Jupiter Were Already Spoken For

So Are You a Wednesday or a One-Liner?

Gay guy to friend: The men in my family die young while the women live much longer. I don't know where that leaves me. –W 4th St & Bank St Daughter to mother: There are only boys and girls, right? –M60 Bus Math geek to another: I think society benefits more from cross-dressing than murder. –Outside Tisch Hall, NYU Overheard by: shaun Woman to man: You did know she had a penis, right? –Broadway Overheard by: Jessica Guy, to another standing up: Sit down, sugar tits, this ain't our stop! –G Train Overheard by: Matthew & Aaron Guy to another: Hey, how're the bumps on your cervix doing? –Thompson & Bleecker Overheard by: office peon

Wiisday One-Liners

Guy, getting his hair cut: So I spent $150 more than I would have if I got the Wii in the store, 'cause my wife said, "If I don't get Guitar Hero, I will divorce you." –SoHo Dork: Don't call it a Gameboy…you're downgrading my PSP. –The Village Small Asian kid, pounding the computer mouse in frustration: Where the hell is Carmen Sandiego?! –Chinese School 40-year-old guy with ten-year-old kid, to GameStop employee: Excuse me, I'm thinking of buying GTA for my son. Is there a way to turn off the profanity? –GameStop, Park Ave Overheard by: Jake C. Angry guy to girlfriend: Look, I get the whole not wanting to have public sex thing, but I don't know if I can be with someone who won't play Wii. –43rd & Madison

How Come Math Majors Are Always the Slowest to Understand This Concept?

Nerdy guy: I don't understand what the significance of the number 69 is. Can someone explain it to me?
Girl: You go to NYU and you don't know that?
(nerdy guy shakes his head)
Girl: To put it bluntly, it's two people giving each other head.
Nerdy guy: Wait, but what does that mean?
Girl: Oh my god…I can't tell you that now. You're the most innocent guy here. It would be like killing a unicorn. –Kimmel Center, NYU