Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sorry I texted you when you were giving birth. –27th St & Park Ave 20-something girl: I kept saying, "I emailed a text to him!" –Pub, 59th & 3rd Overheard by: Bluetoothed them a postcard 20-something girl correcting her friend's text message: No, you don't need an apostrophe there. It's "hos," plural, not "of or pertaining to a ho." –M15 Bus Overheard by: Lauren Guy with suitcase on cell: I sent him a text asking if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out today he was being sarcastic. –116th & Broadway Student: Okay, it's 3:20. I think it's an appropriate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him. –Sarah Lawrence College Overheard by: Anna

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left. –NY Central Library Overheard by: amused Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man. –Park Slope Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat. –Times Square Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club. –21st St & Broadway Overheard by: Alex 20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud. –Penn Station Overheard by: Russ

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him. –Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall Overheard by: i like that option… Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something. –Hudson River Park Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping… –23rd St & 8th Ave Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp! –27th & 2nd Overheard by: liz Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…" –Columbia University Overheard by: p y l

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay. –L Train Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch. –NYC Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend! –8th St & 5th Ave Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work! –Victorian Flatbush Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that? –NYU

This Would Make an Awesome Screenplay

Woman #1, seated at bar in restaurant: My daughter told me she was going to finish med school, then her internship, and then her residency… but before going into practice she was going to take time off to “follow her dream.”
Woman #2, seated at bar: What's her dream?
Woman #1: To become a professional wrestler. –Restaurant, West Village

Go Back to Williamsburg, Wednesday One-Liners!

Hipster: Ugh, my mom keeps forgetting to deposit my unemployment check. –Williamsburg Shouting hipster: I tripped over a Mexican! –Spring St Overheard by: Brigdh Hipster girl to guy she is sitting with at the bar: I should have let you cum on my bedspread. –5th Ave & Bergen, Brooklyn Dozing hipster, muttering in his sleep: That's what she said. –G Train Overheard by: Sunny Upset hipster chick to friends: So now that my brother's going to college,they're not going to pay my rent anymore. I told my mom, "I'm twenty-five, I pay all my other bills on time, I haven't done anything wrong!" –Union Pool, Williamsburg