Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Put Their Jammies on

Intoxicated girl to another: So, I went into Sleepy's the other day… Apparently, you're not allowed to sleep in there. –Belle Harbor, Queens Overheard by: redxdress Woman coming out of bathroom stall (yawning and stretching): Wow, I just had the most amazing nap! –Madison Ave Overheard by: I<3Auditors Girl to friends: I slept over at Natalie's, and I was really drunk and had taken sleeping pills… –Staten Island Ferry Salesgirl to no one in particular: I had the best dream about Aids last night… –Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg Overheard by: Joe Roumeliotis Man on phone: Man, sometimes when I be wakin' up, my body be like "Alright, let's do this!" Then a few minutes later it be like: "Naaaah, fuck it!" –Union Square Overheard by: Stepheb Father to five-year-old son as man in gladiator costume walks by the day after Halloween: That man had a sleepover last night. –23rd & 3rd Overheard by: We were all thinking it

Pepé Le Pew's Girlfriend Has Second Thoughts

Cute girl on phone: I woke up from a deep sleep last night, from the middle of a dream in which I was worried that I had to fix a project at work–to make sure that it didn't go out smelling like fart. That's how strong your fart was in the middle of the night under the covers. It got integrated into my dream and woke me up. (pause) I was worried too that I would smell like fart today because there was no way of having a hot shower. (pause) Thank god for perfume. –St Mark's Place

Hey, Wednesday One-Liners Can Dream, Can’t They?

Old man: Hah! I fell asleep at her funeral! –3rd Ave, b/w 10th & 11th Overheard by: j Man to woman: Hey you! You were in my dream last night. You, myself and a bunch of people in the office were having an orgy on a mattress right in front of our office. At first it was great, but then it became awkward because people kept walking into the office and we got in their way. –34th St & 6th Ave Man with French accent on cell: Do we have room for her, or will she have to sleep in the dungeon? –32nd & Broadway Overheard by: LC (guy is woken up by a friend after falling asleep on the train)
Guy: You dude, why you wake me up! I was having the best dream. There was shorties everywhere. There was shorties in trees and shit! –2 Train Conductor: For all of you running late, we are being delayed by another train with the emergency break on. Or you could tell ’em you just slept in today. –D Train Overheard by: blistexaddict

Does That Mean That Hugo Chavez Doesn’t Wear Pasties?

Nerd: Didn’t Fidel Castro die this week?
Geek: No.
Nerd: Oh… I must have had that dream again. –William Gibson signing, Barnes & Noble Overheard by: Dan Lurie Headline by: mark manne Runners-Up:
· “And Jessica Simpson Didn’t Blow You Either.” – Chuck Roast
· “Freud: Sometimes a Dream About a Cigar Is Just a Dream About a Cigar” – Vasyl
· “I Guess Rush Limaugh and I Weren’t Tied Up and Spanked by Midgets Either?” – Cru Jones
· “I Guess That’s Why the Easter Bunny Was There” – allison
· “Winney the Pooh Being Raped by Danger Mouse Was Kind Of a Tip Off” – Kit Kat
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Took Him Shopping

Queer #1: I had a dream last night that I had cancer, but Ty Pennington showed up and built me a house!
Queer #2: The real question is, did you also have sex with him in the dream?
Queer #1: Come on, that would have been tacky! –Christopher & Bleecker Overheard by: Kyle

To Wednesday, Perchance to One-Liner

Conductor: Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! –Penn Station College girl: Oh, no-no-no-no. Do not even get me started on teacher-student fantasies, okay? I have dreamed about my senior year English teacher every night for months, okay? It’s magical, yet haunting, yet I’m terrified but don’t want it to stop. It’s taken over my mind. So don’t even try to compete with me on teacher-student fantasies. You will lose. –Columbia University Middle schooler: Sometimes, when I look at certain people, I feel so tired. –School bus stop, 5th & 5th Chick: I know, and I’m addicted to dreams, too! –Broadway & Washington Pl Overheard by: Janet Conductor: We now return you to your regularly scheduled nap, already in progress. –Metro-North, 125th St

So Get Off My Foot and Find Things That Actually Deserve to Be Crushed

Angry, sweaty man pushing through crowd: Come on, move in! There’s a lot of room in the middle!
Calm man: There’s also a lot of dreams in this world. –2 train, 34th St Overheard by: mf Headline by: CVK Runners-Up:
· “The Buddha Grows Up” – Barry P.
· “Both Require That Someone Else Gives a Fuck” – Rick Felice
· “Crowds to the Left Of Me, Dreamers to the Right, Here I Am” – Golf Widow
· “The Alternative Martin Luther King Speech” – Peter Madsen
· “Well, Get Them the Hell Out Of My Way!” – Jo
Click here to see the new Headline Contest