Archive for the ‘Drinks’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: 153 Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass! –W 12th & Brodway Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?! Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up. –1250 Broadway Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan! –Waverly & Greene Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there! –Cooper Union, Astor Place Overheard by: Hopefully not me! Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell! –W Train Overheard by: DR G LUV

In Other Parts of the Country, the Vendor Might Say, “I’m Sorry, Sir, but I Have No Camel Lights Today”

Black guy: Cold water! Cold water! One dollar. One dollar! Newports — five dollars! Get the special: Newports and ice-cold water! Six dollars! Six dollars!
White guy: Do you have Camel Lights?
Black guy: Get the fuck out of here!
White guy: Well, then just a bottle of water, please. –Broadway & Gates, Brooklyn Overheard by: Peter

…So They're Still Able to Be Polite

Drunk Yankees fan: Hey there! Can we get two Jager shots?
Coffee shop employee: Uh, we don't have any Jager shots here.
Drunk Yankees fan: Well, what do you have?
Coffee shop employee: Uhh… Coffee? Tea? Lattes?
Drunk Yankees fan: Aww, man! (to friend) They ain't got no Jager shots here! (to employee) Okay, thanks anyway. (they leave)
Coffee shop employee: It's 4:30 in the afternoon… –Coffee Shop, Franklin & Varick Overheard by: yankees fans are special people

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Take Home to Mom

20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend. –Fulton & Gold Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne 20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight. –Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend! –Times Square Overheard by: Liz French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks. –1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Ladle Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive. –Mud Bar, East Village Overheard by: raf

There Were All Kinds of Things in Her Breast Milk

Teen: Iced cappuccino, please.
Middle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a little young for that much caffeine, sweetie?
Teen: Uhhh, I’m from New York — there was caffeine in my breast milk.
Middle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me directions to–
Teen: –Don’t you people have maps for that kind of thing? –Bread Factory, 785 Lexington

Did You Feel As Dirty As I Did When He Said “Tastebud Sensation”?

Old british man, to liquor store employees: Have any of you ever tried this beer?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Nah.
Old british man: Oh, it’s a splendid Belgian stout, very sweet. It’s my absolute favorite variety of Belgian beer. You should try it sometime. It is absolutely divine, a tastebud sensation the likes of which I can guarantee you’ve never known. Well, have a great night, chaps. [Pays for his beer and walks out.]
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: Yo, dog, you hear that guy’s accent? You think his accent was real?
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: Nah.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #1: I don’t think so, either.
Thugged-out liquor store employee #2: It couldn’t have been real. You hear that guy? He ain’t from no foreign country. He spoke perfect English. –Liquor Store, Manhattan Overheard by: daile

WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs! –6th Ave & 34h St Overheard by: Emily College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker? –33rd & 3rd Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing. –23rd & 10th Overheard by: Matt Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there? –Duane Reade Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here. –Trader Joe's, Union Square Overheard by: Kat Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid! –Wagner College

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem. –53rd Street E Station Overheard by: SJG Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else. –Lorimer & Union Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke! –2nd Ave & 11th St Overheard by: dazed and confused Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore. –93rd & 2nd Overheard by: brian w Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there. –Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island Overheard by: Johnny Drongo Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda! –4 Train Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo