12-year-old boy: I don’t know why people would pay $2 for a bottle of water. You know, EVIAN spelt backwards is N-A-I-V-E. – To his friend, in Prospect Park
Archive for the ‘Drinks’ Category
Urban Winetasting
Black Guy: You’re gonna drink that? It’ll make you throw up. You’ve gotta be hard. You need your nigger-tongue if you wanna drink that shit. –Deli, 12th St. & 4th Ave.
Not Even an Albino?
Spa Girl: I just want to remind you that for 24 hours after your appointment you can’t have any food or drink with color.
Man: So does that mean that I can’t sleep with a black woman tonight?
Spa Girl: Uh…no! I guess not!
–BriteSmile Spa , 57th & 5th
Overheard by: Jackie Lee
Not As Much As You Hate Geography…
Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!
–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights
Mountain Dew: The Drink of Evil
Chick #1: That Dew’s totally going to land on someone’s shoe.
Chick #2: I know. I already stepped on like six feet.
–Mountain Dew promotional party (don’t ask), Greenpoint
Watch Teen Mom and See Girls Who Are Both!
Girl #1: Most of my friends are from high school.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. They're all having babies.
Girl #3: Most of my friends are babies. (to barista) Grande, non-fat, no-whip mocca.
–Starbucks
Do You Want Coffee in It?
Customer: Can I have a large, double-shot latte?
Barista: Do you want milk in your latte?
Customer: Yes…
–Dunkin' Donuts
Overheard by: Julie
Thanks to the Hypnotic Rhythm Of Our Argument
Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.
–59th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Tanker
Kentucy Fried Wednesday One-Liners
Guy to girl: All I know about your baby is that as long as it's in your stomach, it's not gonna be underfed. I wouldn't be surprised if it came out with a chicken wing in its mouth.
–MacDougal & 3rd St
Overheard by: Jaco
Older hipster man, in front of organic section: So these eggs are tortured chicks, and these are non-tortured chicks… Hmmm…
–Fairmay Market, Red Hook
Overheard by: RStein
Black guy: Yo, black guy! Where is the nearest place I can get fried chicken? I want some fried chicken and grape soda!
–Union Square
Random guy on escalator: Fuck anime, I can't wait for that juicy buffalo chicken sandwich.
–Kinokuniya Bookstore
Overheard by: Chris Coll
Wednesday One-Liners Call It an “Eating Plan”
Squeaky blonde: When I feel like that after drinking too much I just totally stick my finger down my throat. I don't wake up with a hangover, and it saves calories too!
–Blarney Rock Pub
Overheard by: Ant928
Dumpy middle aged lady: I haven't lost any weight, but I'm still alive. So… I'm pretty proud of myself.
–Union Square
Girl: You should have to pay by the calorie. That'd make people less fat.
–Chipotle, Broadway
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Five-year-old boy to mom: Hey, mom, this energy drink has 10 calories less then the Monster drink!
–7-Eleven
Overheard by: CatVonD
NYU student: You know when you're on a diet, and you wash your face with apricot cleanser? It smells so good that you just want to, like, eat it!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: melbert