Crackhead trying to get pretty girl's attention: Woo gurrrl, where you bin? Walkin all fine. Hey shawty! Girl in dat pink sweater! I talkin' to you.
Pretty girl: It's fucking salmon. (walks into pet store to escape)
Crackhead: Wooo, ain'tcho fiesty! I'll buy you a puppy! Shoo!
–E 6th St
Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category
NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.
Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?
–Downtown 2 Train
I Guess We Travel in Different Circles
Aged cokehead #1: I know that face from somewhere, you look really familiar…
Aged cokehead #2: Yeah, I think I've seen your face somewhere.
Aged cokehead #1: Maybe from the same circle-jerk?
Aged cokehead #2: No, I don't think I've ever done that before. Here's $20 for the wine.
–Lexington & 28th St
Overheard by: The Wine Girls
And Still, K-Fed Got Custody Of the Kids
20-something bum: Excuse me, miss, can I please have a cigarette?
Young woman smoking: Sure.
20-something bum: Thank you so much. I just took a huge hit of heroin and a cigarette after is the balls.
Young woman smoking: Well, happy trails!
–14th St & 3rd Ave
The Local Crackhead Players' Production Of Pinocchio Left a Lot to Be Desired
Crackhead #1: Nah, I ain't.
Crackhead #2: Yo man, yo tongue be black, yo nose be wood and long. You be fibbin'!
–Ave A & 2nd St
Overheard by: Brian
Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners
20-something to friend: If I didn't do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don't say "no" to drugs. Say "no, thank you."
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we'll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
Don't Even Ask Her About “Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho”
Dopey guy: Oh yeah, Phenomena!
Girlfriend: No, it's “mahna mahna”… The Muppets, right?
Dopey guy: But I always thought it was “Phenomena”! Like…Phenomenon.
Girlfriend: No. (sighs)
–Subway, 29th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jane
As Do I, Dear Lady. As Do I.
Cute, somewhat cracked-out blonde: What kind of shot is this?
Bartender: It's my special shot.
Cute blonde: Um…does it go with Lorazepam and Adderall?
Bartender, trying not to laugh: Well yes, yes it does.
–Karavas Place, W 4th St
I Don't Care If She Has a Name. Now Make Me a Square Burger, Bitch
Dopey guy: She looks like that chick on the Wendy's commercials.
Less dopey guy: Um…you mean…Wendy?
–Drop Off Service, 13th & Ave A
Headline by: aileen
Runners-Up:
· “…AKA Pippi Longstocking’s Doppelgänger” – Deanna
· “No, Carrot Top” – johnnyb
· “She Has a NAME?!?!” – sizzle
· “Until Pippi Longstocking Wins Her Lawsuit, Yes” – Cat
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Wednesday One-Liners Are Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland
Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was alright, cause I was on coke.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Laura Grossman
Female hipster on cell: I'm coked up and all alone, Harvey, how do you expect me to feel?
–Humboldt & Ainslie, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Joseph Hernandez
Girl on cell: I haven't done coke in like a week. It's been a rough week.
–Upper East Side
Hot 20-something tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meatpacking District. That's false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of cocaine from those guys.
–Broadway & Wooster
Overheard by: ClassyGal
Female 20-something on phone: Yeah, he realized it was too late when he couldn't tell the difference between the piles of sugar, the piles of flour, and the piles of cocaine.
–Central Park