Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category
So Put That in Your Pipe and Smoke It
Annoyed commuter: Shut up, you jobless crackhead piece of shit!
Crackhead: Fuck you, man, I got a job! I sell crack.
–A Train
Just Like Les Mis!
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How's it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It's hilarious when you're high!
–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel
Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners
Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them.
–Mojito Loco, Brooklyn
Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer!
–110th St Station
Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper.
–NYU Bobst Library
Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh.
–Columbia University College Walk
Correction: It Was in the 80's
Coked-out hipster girlfriend, loudly: And that's why I could never wake up for Pilates.
Hipster boyfriend: Julia. Turn the voice down. People are looking.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I can't help the way my voice projects. I used to be an actress.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you didn't.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: Well, I'm a model.
Hipster boyfriend: No, you're not.
Coked-out hipster girlfriend: I'm kind of a drug dealer.
Hipster boyfriend: Yeah. Which is so gay.
–Williamsburg Bridge
…But You're Probably Right About the Shower.
Passenger to woman stumbling on crowded train and talking to herself: Shut up and take a shower you crackhead!
Drug-addled woman: I'm not a crackhead, I'm a dope-fiend!
–A Train
Overheard by: david
To Be Fair, It Arrives So Infrequently That Even We Forget.
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
WednesDEA One-Liners
Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!
–6th Ave & 34h St
Overheard by: Emily
College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?
–33rd & 3rd
Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?
–Duane Reade
Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.
–Trader Joe's, Union Square
Overheard by: Kat
Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!
–Wagner College
There's That Ivy League Logic
Druggie #1: No. Technically, if you don't have anything on you, they can't arrest you.
Druggie #2: Are you suggesting we smoke naked?
–Columbia University
Then My Students Turned Me on to Crack.
Crackhead #1: At the time I was going to school to become a peer educator…
Crackhead #2: Uh-huh.
–103rd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Jonesy