Coked-out girl: Your friend is hot. Is she gay?
Drunk girl: I don't know. Are you gay?
Coked-out girl: I like the way Shakira puts it. (singing) “Whenever, wherever, we're meant to be together.”
(later on)
Coked-out girl: Are you as straight as the day is long?
Drunk girl: Um, it depends…how long is the day?
Coked-out girl: Fourteen hours.
–Sophie's, 5th & Ave A
Overheard by: amazed
Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category
Get Embarrassing Stains Out With Wednesday One-Liners!
Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!
–Long Island Railway
Overheard by: Jeff
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.
–14th St
Overheard by: Cuttie
Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.
–Central Park Loop
Overheard by: Nick Kinling
Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?
–Broadway & 112th
Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe
Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.
–D Train
Overheard by: Derrick Walker
As Soon As the Wheels Leave the Ground, Push the Plunger on This Syringe
Mother to preteen daughter: Okay, just leave me alone now until we get in the air.
Daughter: Do you wanna hold my hand?
Mother: No, I don't wanna hold your hand. I have plenty of drugs and I just need to get in the zone.
–Inside Plane, LaGuardia
Overheard by: Pete
It's Important to Motivate the Sales Force
Drug dealer #1 (whispering): Smoke, smoke, smoke.
(passerby keeps walking)
Drug dealer #2 (yelling at drug dealer #1): C'mon, you gotta step your game up! Get that shit out there!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: willandbeyond
The Devil Wore Wednesday One-Liners
Man on phone: Well, I got a shirt but it wasn't quite what I was looking for, so I'm gonna go to Whole Foods and get some breadsticks.
–Astor Place
Older, bespectacled white male at table with wife: Motherfuckin' tube socks…
–Jazz Standard, 27th & Park
Overheard by: V
6'6" man (earnestly): Honestly, if I were Hillary, I would never wear a pantsuit! You know what I mean?
–Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: Ingwall
Cracker: I hate fighting rastas. Man, I really do. It's those hats…you never know what they're hiding in those fuckin' hats!
–Marcy & Broadway
Man: Do you realize you just offended a man carrying an organic tote bag?
–6 Train
Overheard by: wb
Barfly to bartender: Is that your belt or a wrinkle in the fabric of time?
–Thirsty Scholar, 2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jas
Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein
Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?
–Grand & Union, Brooklyn
Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!
–17th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Dave
Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!
–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Robert
Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…
–Walgreens, Union Square
Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: left my opium stash at home
20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!
–Chinatown Bus
Overheard by: GavinJoyce
Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."
–33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Ad: Still the Healthiest Thing You Can Buy at McDonald's
(man is eating, drug dealer sits at his table)
Dealer: An eight ball, right?
(man's cell rings, he answers)
Man (into cell): I'm… at the gym. (pause) Yeah, and this call has made me one of those annoying people on the phone at the treadmills. I'll call you later. (to dealer) Yeah, an eight ball.
–McDonald's, The Village
Overheard by: soccerboy
Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Through a Dry Spell
50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!
–50th St & 5th Ave
Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.
–8th Ave, Midtown
Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!
–NYU
Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"
–Stuyvesant Town
Overheard by: the libbernator
Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!
–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
And Watch Pop-Up Videos
Homeless druggie chick: I'm waaay smarter than you!
Homeless druggie dude: No way, I'm crazy smart and shit.
Homeless druggie chick: Well, I know tons of shit that you don't, like that Manhattan is the only city in America that doesn't have a Main Street, and that mosquitoes have 47 teeth!
Homeless druggie dude (very impressed): Daaamn you are smart! How did you know that?!
Homeless druggie chick: I read Snapple caps, bitch!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kiki
Great! …Same Time Tomorrow?
Fat crackhead woman: Where you been?
Well dressed businessman: Around… Where you been?
Fat crackhead woman: Lockup!
–Starbucks, Harlem
Overheard by: Ryan J