Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them! –Penn Station Overheard by: I hated braces 30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys. –Queens Overheard by: Angela Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist! –M60 Bus Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high! –111th & Lenox Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, Instead

Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same. –Wall St. Overheard by: krazyhippie Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not! –10th St & FDR 20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy. –W 19th & 5th Ave Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!" –Mercer & W 3rd Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel. –171st St & Broadway Overheard by: The Low Hat Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high. –PATH Station Overheard by: smjcnj 30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time. –Columbia University Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

I Heart Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: You still love me even though I’m a fatty? –113th & Broadway Guy on cell: You know, dude, I could totally fall in love with her if she weren’t such a crack-whore. –11th & 3rd Overheard by: Kaitlyn Loud hipster girl: Shrooms are like love and happiness. You don’t find them; they find you! –Williamsburg waterfront Overheard by: could use all three Idealist: If he really loved me, wouldn’t he moisturize?! –Harlem Overheard by: McN Ghetto girl: Love ain’t got nothin’ to do with the way you smellin’ right now! –Chambers & Broadway Overheard by: AWAG Middle-Aged guy: But if she loved me so much, why did she point the shotgun at me? –57th between 6th & 7th Overheard by: harvey Woman on cell: You know that Susan already hates you…Of course she’s just doing it to be a bitch…I love Susan. –73rd & Columbus Overheard by: Will

It Isn’t Easy Being Us

Chick #1: I just look for things in my cabinet to overdose on. Seriously, I need to go on strong medication. I have no boyfriend, no life… I need some medicine. I need it right now. Oh my god, I’m about to cry right here. And see, I’m getting so fat. I mean, I still wear the same size and weigh the same, but I’m getting so fat. I know it’s because I’m eating breakfast again. I usually do no breakfast, then yogurt for lunch and fish or something for dinner. I know it’s because of breakfast.
Chick #2: Well, I seriously can’t go home without drinking. It’s not like I’m a huge drinker or anything, but I just can’t stay away from wine once I step in the door. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Cathy Pyenson

You’d Think the Distribution System Would Be Better

Homie #1: Drugs is huge, man, huge! If there wasn’t no drugs, there’d be no police! No drugs, no lawyers! No drugs, no judges! Nobody would be in prison! All those guards, no jobs! The whole prison system would collapse! No drugs, nobody in the hospitals! Doctors out of work… Drugs is too big! We’re a big part of the economy! Nobody is gonna touch drugs, man, so chill. We need drugs!
Homie #2: True dat. –125th & Lenox

Watch Out! They’re About to Explode!

Guy: You see that bum? He wouldn’t even look me in the eye. I know him from the Bronx. Evvverybody knows everybody in the Bronx, especially if you do drugs. He’s a liar…His daughter did die, but 3 years ago. He got so much money hustlin’ on the D train, but now they all know it’s bullshit, so he came all the way to Queens….what, he gotta bury his daughter every year? He gonna ask for money when the girl died 20 yrs ago?…And if you don’t got money for a burial, the city gives it to you. He fulla shit. –7 train Overheard by: MR Standing in line is a guy with a massive 12-roll pack of toilet paper. His buddy comes up to join him and says: I always knew you were full of shit. –Rite Aid, Irving Place Overheard by: Vera Farrelly