Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Wednesday's One-Liners Sell Themselves

Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: joy

Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!

–16th St & 7th Ave

Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.

–Brooklyn

Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Diaz

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Daniel Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills. –31st & 2nd Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee. –outside The Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Josh Neufeld Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped. –Vertigo, 26th & 3rd Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella. –Delancey & Allen Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

I Got into This Racket for the Condemnation

Hobo: Hey, you got any money?
Nice lady: I don’t have any change, but I can give you some on my way out, or get you something to eat.
Hobo: I’ll take the money. But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna use it to buy booze or drugs.
Nice lady: As far I am concerned, you can use the money for whatever you want.
Hobo: Whoa, lady! That’s way too liberal for me.

–Outside health food store, Brooklyn