Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Wednesday White-Liners

Girl on cell: You raised me around drug addicts, and now they’re the only people I like… I don’t do drugs, I’m just drawn to the addicts!

–28th & Park

Guy: If you rub the gerbil in Vaseline and then dip it in cocaine, it just slips right up there.

–The Village

Chick: That’s what happens when you sniff baking powder — anyone would be shaking…

–LIRR

Overheard by: tanechka

Girl on cell: I know! I really need to stop calling my mom when I’m on coke.

–Waverly & Broadway

Overheard by: Spends 40K To Hear This Shit

Security guard to another: Just keep your eyes peeled, man… That’s the third crack pipe we’ve had in here in two years.

–ABC Carpet & Home store, 18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Shadey

Chick: Well, I was supposed to be a part-time barista, but I was actually a full-time coke-head.

–Sullivan St, Soho

Man to entire train: It’s hard to tolerate you, because you would have been nothing but a drug dealer in the ’80s!

–6 train

Overheard by: xan

I Got into This Racket for the Condemnation

Hobo: Hey, you got any money?
Nice lady: I don’t have any change, but I can give you some on my way out, or get you something to eat.
Hobo: I’ll take the money. But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna use it to buy booze or drugs.
Nice lady: As far I am concerned, you can use the money for whatever you want.
Hobo: Whoa, lady! That’s way too liberal for me.

–Outside health food store, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Tiaras

JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.

–Spot’s Café

JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!

–Hunter College

Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.

–University & 12th

JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!

–17th & 6th

NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!

–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Maya G.

Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ponine

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots