Archive for the ‘Drunks’ Category

…So They're Still Able to Be Polite

Drunk Yankees fan: Hey there! Can we get two Jager shots?
Coffee shop employee: Uh, we don't have any Jager shots here.
Drunk Yankees fan: Well, what do you have?
Coffee shop employee: Uhh… Coffee? Tea? Lattes?
Drunk Yankees fan: Aww, man! (to friend) They ain't got no Jager shots here! (to employee) Okay, thanks anyway. (they leave)
Coffee shop employee: It's 4:30 in the afternoon… –Coffee Shop, Franklin & Varick Overheard by: yankees fans are special people

He Was This Close to Carrying a Goat

Girl #1: I don’t think I can walk anymore.
Guy #1: C’mon, I’ll carry you.
Girl #2: You’re carrying her all the way to 72nd?
Guy #2: Dude, you’re not gonna make it.
Girl #1: It’s okay, you don’t–
Guy #1: It’ll be fine.
Hobo: That place sure has great door prizes. –Tavern on the Green, West 67th Street Overheard by: gibberish

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them! –Penn Station Overheard by: I hated braces 30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys. –Queens Overheard by: Angela Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist! –M60 Bus Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high! –111th & Lenox Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga. –Grand Central Overheard by: Steven Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline! –Virgil's, W 44th St Overheard by: Check, please! Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself." –6 Train Overheard by: i mean disrespect 20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad… –35th St & Lexington